Growing in the Dark--Transformer's 2nd thread!

[transformer]

P.S. One DAy, I LOVE mary poppins, I think I watched it a bazillion times when I was little!! I actually thought the part about the crumb was so ridiculously sad it was funny... but I guess it didn't come across. It is hard to find a balance between feeling the sadness and not just feeling overwhelmed. I hope I "get it" soon!
((LISA))
T

[yellowrose]

TF

I think that you are getting wonderful advice from everyone. I don't think I could add anymore. You are doing great!!!!! You are keeping yourself very busy and that is so important. Keep GALing and leaving it to God!!!

Y

[AliSuddenly]

Hi T...so sorry you have had a hard week. When I read that I finished my email to you, with a few more suggestions for you in terms of timings. Go check it out, hope it helps!!!
Ali x

[transformer]

OK everybody!!

Good things are happening!

-Had another really good counseling session this morning. We talked about how I can heal some of my other relationships (friendships). I am realizing that I might actually not be good at sharing my feelings with others, though I am good at sharing my analyses of my feelings... those things are not the same! So I may be opening myself up to whole new levels of vulnerability. Hooray! And my C told me that every time he sees me he sees 99% growth. I feel encouraged!

-Had an AWESOME lesson with my cello teacher today. I am not sure what is happening, but that relationship seems to be healing... this is amazing. We are really starting to be able to work together. I am very excited. I could tell she was excited too. I think it wasn't just good for me to start to "get" what we were working on, but also, it was good for her, to be able to help me.

-Good orchestra rehearsal: I am learning to really assert myself, from my heart, in the group context. !!

-Got a 90% on my piano test (!!!) even though I thought I was unprepared. Hooray!

-Ate lunch with a cello friend OUTSIDE in the park. I can't believe I can do that in february in atlanta... I am still used t o the frigid endless winters of the northern lands. We had a good chat, I feel like I am being a more sensitive friend.

-Gave away some more muffins (even more therapeutic, when you can share them)!

I feel like something may be shifting in my heart. I am afraid to put words to it because I am not sure how to explain it... but it is GOOD!!

OK... have to go do a silly project, hopefully I will be able to sleep tonight.

HUGS AND MUFFINS FOR EVERYONE (we can get crumbs all over the place)!!

(((EVERYONE)))
TRANSFORMER

[Kalni]

Hi T,

Thanks!!

(can you send some of those muffins to me? try DHL, UPS whatever)

Kalni

[Essie]

Hi T
You dont need whacking with a 2 x 4 at all. I'm sorry I think I probably assumed too much of your situation and assumed that my experience is the same as yours! Sorry!!

I guess it just hurts to realize that our partners weren't as committed to the relationship as we wanted to be (even if we only realized after they had gone).

Anyway that is so BF issue not yours!

How do you feel you are going with detaching?

Thinking of you (apologies again for any remarks that might have been unwarranted or hurtful)

[W2G]

Hi T,

I'm not sure if I've ever posted on your thread but I have read bits and pieces of your sitch.

I just wanted to say hello.. and tell you how much I loved your post on Kalni's thread.

You are a good friend and fabulous cheerleader.

I'm glad to hear that things are improving for you lately that's the goal of DBing and GALing.. whatever you're doing is working for you!

[ba065]

Hey T:

Just popping by to wish you a Happy Valentines Day...hope you took some time out for YOU today!

I wanted to tell you how much I admire you and think you are a thoughtful, caring person. Your posts to everyone are so insightful and thought out. You really have a handle on your sitch and give great advice to everyone on the boards!

Always love reading your posts!

Hugs to you! You are one special gal!

BA

[transformer]

Essie,

Do not fear! Our experiences may very well be the same. Please do not hesitate to share your thoughts. !!

((HUGS))
T

[transformer]

Dear EVERYONE,

Thank you so much for your supportive words! I feel so encouraged and cared for.

The rest of the week was good:
-another awesome cello lesson
-more muffin making (muffins = therapy)
-good yoga classes...

I had a couple of really awesome realizations this week. The first is, I do not need to rely on my own puny human strength in this endeavor, because God, the Dharma, whatever you want to call it, wants healing and reconciliation to happen, and wants to help me. It was really amazing this week because this message was coming at me from many different angles... Tuesday's yoga class was about how we are constantly supported and surrounded by this energy. It is not all about our own effort. At the end of class I laid in deep relaxation and just wept wept wept. So amazing...

I also realized that I had a weird mental construct about B's career. In my mind, I could not figure out a way for it to work out between us unless it didn't work out with his quartet. But I realized... that is ridiculous! First off, he does not have to fail in his career in order to succeed in the relationship. That is just my own mental construct. Secondly, there are kazillions of possible opportunities and solutions out there. Just because I can't figure it all out in my own puny human mind only knowing about a tiny fraction of a percent of all the opportunities and solutions possible in the world doesn't mean it's not possible. And in fact... I don't have to figure it out by myself! I don't have to figure it out in order for it to work out. Amazing!!

(Essie, I think this relates to a lot of what we've been talking about with B's career.)