Finding Supermom - #4

[JennyF]

B,
Once again you've come through for me.

What are your 180s? Have you experimented with different behaviors and monitored the results? Are you doing anything that is working? What are you doing to get a life? Are you able to stay positive daily?

There is nothing that I can do that it is going to get me any kind of immediate results. So because of this I kind of fell of the 'monitoring results' wagon. I have to relook at my goals and my small signs again and focus them on more long term changes in H. I posted them all a while back and I need to review to stay solution based. Thanks for the reminder.
I am definitely working on the GAL thing and this week is going to be my TSN turning point (that could be a Canadian thing...).
I'm going to get the lawyer crap out of the way and really start doing my thing. My little hobby is baking and decorating cookies. I do them for all occasions and sell them. I've done quite well with this in the past over various holidays, but they are time consuming and life as a mom has put it on the back burner. Well, I need the money, I love to do it and I just happen to have extra time on my hands every other weekend and a couple nights during the week. I'm looking forward to diving into it for Easter.
OK...that's my GAL.

Now for the prayers.
Thank you so much for your input. I found it so helpful and I hope the others who could relate to my question also got something out of it.
I think all the time about the free will. Not just my own, but that of H. I can't control H or his decisions. So I keep asking God to talk to him.

I prayed that God would give me the strength to keep a positive attitude and do positive things. Not to let me get bogged down by negative emotions and actions. I prayed that He bring peace to my W's discontented heart and that she feel both mine and His love for her. I prayed for the Lord to show my heart how to have unconditional love and through His Grace let it be known to her.

This reminds me of a prayer I wrote when S was only 5 days old. It was my 'petition to God'. I went back and rearead it today. I need to keep my focus on that when it come to H and continue to pray for myself to do what I need to.
This is my prayer:

October 24th, 2007

Dear God,
Although I've been praying...a lot, for what it is that I want in my heart, this is my attempt to make it perfectly clear to you what I am asking for. What I am praying is possible for you to make happen. I have had some contradictory requests like help me let him go VS please bring him back to me. But this is to be clear.
What I want more than anything is this, to be able to let H go right now so that he may find peace within himself. My greatest wishes and prayers are that in the process of his soul searching that he will find it within himself to remember and feel the love that he once had for me. And that he will build on those feelings to give me and our family a second chance at happiness together.
That is what I want. I want him to be happy. I want him to be happy with himself and his choices and feel peace. I find it hard to ask for this last part, because in my heart I want that to mean that finding peace will mean he will find it with me.
I pray that H will one day again find peace and love with me.
Please also give me the strength to be strong of mind and heart during the time when I must let him go to find his way. Give me the strength and confidence to attack each day with enthusiasm and positivity for myself and for my children. Let me be the woman who will most attract H back to me with the love and admiration he once felt for me.
This is what I pray for. This is what I humbly ask you for. I believe it is possible, with all my heart and soul I believe this is possible.
I am eternally grateful to you for all the blessings in my life, and they are many.

Thank you with all my heart.

I truly do want H to be happy and I know that may mean without me. It scares the crap out of me...but I do want him to be happy.

That is if you truly believe what you are praying for and Who you are praying to.

I do I do!!

God speaks to us through many varied means. You can find his voice in scripture, in other people, or even just in your surroundings.

And sometimes He sends a sweet guy with great advice to post on my thread to make me feel better.
Thanks B.
J~