Meredith - your 5 years..

[cagzmom]

During counseling my C suggested I watch "Good Will Hunting". I have seen it before but he wanted me to..so being the good little student I did. =)

Both Will and Sean in the movie are at the SAME place in life. AND it is where I am..."life after" It is time for Cagzmom to build a life after. And I am. Neither one wanted to....but to sit by and not LET MYSELF go forward and check out this new phase...well that is just plain not a good idea. Baby steps...but I am ready.

So many fantastic "thoughts" this past week. So many...and the word try has begun to LEAVE my vocabulary. It is do or literally die inside. AND I AM TIRED of dieing inside. LIFE. It is time for life.

Love the idea of buying yourself flowers..I have thought of that too.

Some thing I have done for me in the past month.
1) Manicure with my daughter (girlz night)
2) Went to the mall and got our makeup done AND I SPLURGED on
new cleanser, eye makeup (i know I hadn't done this in at
least 5 years!)
3) Got tennis rackets at Play it again sports and played tennis
with my daughter
4) Made an offer on a house today (if it doesn't happen I am so
at peace - that means God wants me to stay here and I am ok
with that)(GOT MAJORLY PROUD after I told me son 19---- i
texted him and told him I made the offer...he texted back "I
am proud of you..." HAVING HIM SEE ME GROW (and my d11) has
been huge!

I have also noticed a little trap that happens when you are the LBS. THE GUILT factor of doing things JUST FOR YOU - is a terribly easy trap to fall into. This is yet another NEW thing I have to work on - the guilt of "being selfish for me" and not doing for d11 or s19. BUT it is loosing its hold cause I see it now!

Things I would like to do in the next month:

1) GET TO THE Y in the AM -- I like how I feel and it is a must (the divorce diet has been good to me and I would like to stay like this)

2) Learn to cook something new and cool once a week or even once a month.

That is all i have for now...

I do miss people and am praying about that. It is hard finding your fit in the misfit place. Even in church - which "groups" do you go to fit into? I can't do singles -- cause I am still married. I dont want to a do a divorced group (even my C said shouldn't) cause I am not officially D yet. That part of this is hard BUT ATTAINABLE.

Hmmm weekends are tough. Don't like um. But I have almost made it through another one....