Sara I must say yours are wisdom words. All I can say though is that there is as much literature on cheating signs as there is on dating a married man. If there is one thing we can assume is that we were all blinded folded. And as much as all parts suffers I also must say I have learned to accept, not without a whole amount of hurt and shame, that we are (the BSpouses)the ones that hurts most. And I may say that sometimes our wishful thinking is that the other parties involved would glimpse a fraction of our pain. But that's the beauty of DB. It does not matter if we are succesful on the results that should come. It is about the process of learning we can make things happier for ourselves. It is hard, it has been incredibly hard for me, but I am trying also very hard to keep the faith.Anyway, my point is, they are different, and the OP also have their rough times. But I also feel like in my case, the OP got over it easiely than I did. It was not her vows that were broken, it was not her who had to pick up the broken pieces of the M and of the family. So, learning that just made me feel more alone and weaker than she is. I guess that as you have said, each case is particular, in mine I feel ashamed she moved on and I did not.
