And the Survey Says....

[JennyF]

Thanks to everyone who took the time to answer IC's question...even if you didn't know where it was going!

The majority of people answered B and/or C.

If the WAS truly still loves his/her spouse and deep in their heart it is killing them to leave their family the way they are, then when the LBS starts GAL'ing to the max, it's going to drive the WAS crazy. However, on the other hand if their M has gone way past reconciliation and the affair isn't just a "passing honeymoon," the WAS would probably either (1) not care at all that their ex was GAL and/or (2) not even notice.

My gut and my heart tell me it's NOT the latter. However it is my biggest fear and what H is firm on.
Either way what is clear is that I have to GAL. I'm nearing the part where I can totally detach and be ok with the outcome either way. It is my kids I am most sad for at the moment.
What I can't figure is what is so good about CFB that she is the BETTER option? And I don't just mean better than ME. I mean better that being in his kids lives full time. ESPECIALLY when they're so young. It is killing me to be away from them as often as I am and I can't believe she is worth giving that up. It's dispicable and it's why I believe that he will eventually regret not even trying to work on us. Not mention this is all so totally the opposite of who he used to pride himself on being.

And in my situation, if I left my wife it would be because I finally gave up after her not making any real effort for years on end. In such a case, her moving on that quickly would be a sign that I never got through to her and would leave me even more frustrated.

H NEVER gave me the chance to work on anything. He knows that given the opportunity I am all about accepting my portion in the breakdown of the marriage...but he never let me in on his little being unhappy secret when it would have made a difference. And now he says it's too late. In fact, when I first identified something was up at about 3 months pregnant, I did EVERYTHING I could to save this M. I went to counselling (even when he refused to go with me). At one point I even told him I was going to stop focusing on me at all (at 8 months pregnant) and do whatever I had to help him during this time. 4 days later he dropped the bomb saying (and I quote), "I just can't do this to you anymore. You're being so totally sweet to me and doing everything right that wife should be doing in this sitch and I can not return the love or the closeness that you need"


ANYWAY, I have to make these changes for myself anyway. But, I am kind of guessing what those things were because he never gave me the benefit of really talking to me about what went wrong. I know I had faults and things weren't perfect, but I can honestly say that things weren't really that bad. Except inside of him. And in perfect MLC style...he projected all that onto me and suddenly I am the bad guy and the 'thing' that must change in his life.
So...off he goes. To live this new life and realize that the grass isn't greener on the other side...you just have to water it now and then on your own side.
And off I go to GAL and show him that it's B or C....but NOT A!!!
Thanks again to everyone for input...any more is certainly welcome.
J~