To many people, life just "happens". They are the ones who might pass through here only briefly because no matter which side of the fence they are on (WAS or LBS) they simply refuse to look into themselves with the critical eyes it requires to understand how they got where they are and how much of a role they themselves did play in it.
You are similar to me in that you are one that HAS to understand the "whys". Well Frank, that is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because the only way we can be reasonably assured that we will not repeat the past, is to fully understand how that past came to bring us to THIS horrible present in the first place. This is growth and it takes guts to survive this part. You are here and there is a light at the end of this tunnel, Frank. This need for understanding though...it is also a curse because with your eyes now fairly wide open, you wish to God that you could share this deep understanding with your wife and have her share in your hope that now, yes now, things can finally take a turn towards healing for you personally as well as your relationship with her. She does not share in that hope with you and that is the curse of greater understanding. She can't step up to stand beside you in this little victory because she has began a long-overdue journey of her own. You have no choice but to let her go or you will destroy yourself and your daughters in the process, Frank, so you have got to cut the cord. Stop TALKING about doing it, just open your eyes - see what is happening - and let it have the effect on you that it is going to have and then cut it loose.
I am very sympathetic to how you feel right now so even though I may come off harsh, I also know that you want the truth and you don't want it candy-coated so that's why I am posting.
The truth Frank, is your wife is an airhead but she got that way through understandable means. Her childhood and teen years were screwed and now she's a grown woman with two self-sufficient kids and has only recently really gotten a life to call her own (shallow though it may be). She's feeling her way and I'm sorry but yes, you have probably been a drag for someone like her - that never looks past the surface - to live with. On the other hand, she thinks life is calling to her and you, and that house and your life together, binds her. She's breaking free and you know what? She NEEDS to. If you love her enough, although it hurts you deeper than anything else ever has, you will let her go and do what she feels she needs to do for herself. Make no mistake, you don't have to like it but consider this: "You will never experience the true value of LIFE unless you approach it BY seeking WISDOM...the Wisdom of God, not the rationalization of man." All this "knowledge" that you have must, to your wife, sound like rationalization. Excuse making, if you will, and even an attempt at manipulation. All the times you talk, explain and wax on about what you now "get", do you realize the ground that you are preparing? I'll tell you. Frank, she has to get out there in the world with all the lonely days and nights and penny pinching she will ultimately endure. You don't know how deafening the silence can be when your children are no longer with you, Frank...She MUST do this. She might succeed but more than likely the world will chew her up and spit her out. If you do not shut up, you will ensure only one thing; that she will never come back because to do so will be the equivalent of listening to you say "I told you so". I don't think she's strong enough to swallow that.
Your actions now are determining the future. The words you are speaking are either bringing life or they are bringing death. If you can not determine which of the two your words will bring just shut up, for they are idle and serve no purpose.
It's time for Frank_D to make a life that he can call his own. It's time for Frank_D to seek wisdom. Not just understanding.
