What is it about “convention” that makes it better to be alone and disappointed and to have a crying jag? What snotty little rich kid(s) put you down and teased you when you were young?
I can not for the life of me understand why you keep forming such inaccurate pictures of me as a child. A while back you thought I was a pathetic chubby girl who sought affection from men through sex. Now I was apparently somebody who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks and was oppressed for it. Neither is in any way true. I was attractive and my parents were both educated professionals. I'm actually kind of a snob who makes fun of people who buy art to match their sofas or only read bestsellers. What is true is that I have a high biological sex drive and a curious nature. What is also true is that by some weird coincidence of nature, I am also pretty much built like a brick house and I was when I was 14 too. So my appearance is sexual and so is my nature. However, the fact remains that despite the way I write about sexuality on this BB, in real life my personality and manner aren't overtly sexual. ( Maybe I'm wrong? Corri is the only one here who has met me in person. I guess she could confirm or not.) For instance, FSG is so dominant that I don't even talk much during phone sex but once when I was he started laughing and said that I sounded like a mix between 1970s porn and a romance novel. Then he said that I ought to stick to the romance novel verbiage because it sounded more natural coming from me.
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You are trying to justify your eccentricity, your “freakishness” and high sex drive, your rebelliousness, and you want your men to accept it and like it too. You might find someone who can do all of that, and he will certainly be worth searching and waiting for. But I think it might be a long shot.
I understand that there are men who will be unkind to me just because I am highly sexually responsive for the same reason that some boys pull the wings off of flies. My 2bx certainly was quite unkind to me though maybe not for that reason. But I guess I'm a bit more optimistic about human nature than you. Let me tell you a secret. Sometimes boys are really sweet. The one who called me a freak the other day, here's what he said last night. He said "First I'll kiss the scar on your belly." Doesn't mean that he's the man that I'll dodder about with in cardigan sweaters when I'm 90 but just maybe it means that the world is a slightly lovelier place than as imagined in your philosophy.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
