I think I feel smothered

[WAS32]

So Valentine's / anniversary was okay. H took me out for dinner and then we came home. While I was picking our D4 up from the neighbor he lit a trail of candles from the kitchen to our bedroom. There were hearts on my bed and champange and the whole room was filled with candles. There must have been at least 100 of them. It was very sweet and thoughful of him to do. i wished him happy valentines day but I couldn't bring myself to say happy anniversary. I couldn't tell him "I love you" either. I'm just not there yet. i know it hurts him that I don't say it, but I just can't. he says it almost every day. I don't know if this is wrong of me, but I don't want to say something just for the sake of saying it. It would make him feel better but not me. Am I being unreasonable? I am feeling a little better with him being here but I still do not trust him. Everytime his cell goes off I always think the worst. I am hoping this will fade soon. Today he is out with his dad and I actually miss him a little. So i think that is a good sign. Anyway, just journalling a bit, trying to sort my head out.