I have empathy for that as well. I have a tremendous amount of empathy for Nice Guys. I can emphathize with your STBX (where, as in my case, the S stands for "someday").
Doesn't mean I'd recommend you dating anybody from that group.
I don't think that labeling a man a "nice guy" or not changes the way basic psychology works. It is funny to me that you are implying that the men I am dating are clueless "nice guys" and Cobra is implying the opposite. What BF said about NG and GP is also true about FSG. They are big boys who can take care of themselves but that doesn't mean that they don't have puppies and that doesn't mean that I wouldn't feel bad if I knew that I kicked one. I didn't get that I was being kind of b*tchy by teasing FSG about being a "playah". It wasn't a very nice way to behave towards somebody I consider to be a friend. I don't give a f*ck about relationship dynamics or all that one-up/one-down, pursuer/avoider bullsh*t. If I am aware of the fact that any amount of insecurity or low self-esteem I feel, conscious or unconscious, is causing me to behave in a way that is in any way unkind then I am going to feel bad about it and put a stop to that behavior. That doesn't make me a martyr just a decent human being.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
