I don't know what the card meant; I could parse it, possibly even write a dissertation on it, and still not really know. I'm not even sure it really matters. As you say, actions are what matter now. Will she step up? You have, now it's her turn. At some point, a tango really does take two people.
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all YOU can do is pick away at what I write..but...I LIVE HERE WITH HER.
Yep, you are right. That is the key - sometimes, we just have to go with our gut, not just want we WANT to see/believe.
FIB, you have done and continue to do your very best here. I honestly don't think you could have done more to save your M. You have done far more than the vast majority of spouses, even those who loves their S very much.
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Should S7 grow up learing that husband's sleep on couches? Or should he learn that he should respect himself and know when to leave something bad for him? (yes..he WILL know one day how I feel about standing to save a M and never to run at the outstart).
Should D4 learn to dress provocatively and know that it's OK to cross relationship boundaries or learn that there are consequences to her actions? If what they say is true..that I preach here..that my D will choose a man based on her father, then, I CANNOT FAIL HER. STAYING IN A DESTRUCTIVE DEAD M IS FAILING MY D4.
I've thought about this a lot, and it is a big reason why I am glad that my M is over. It was not good in many ways, and it is absolutely not the M I want my children to have. I don't want my S6 to think it's okay to have no R with his children, to go out every night, to never be dependable. Nor do I want my D11 to think it's okay for her H to be like that. The model we give them is very important (I speak from experience, unfortunately). My stbx and his sister both cheated on their spouses, both got divorced, are both codependent and neurotic. Hmmmm - family influence there?
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my back door is still open to her
*ahem* SOOO tempting...but...I'll let it go.
Love, Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
