I am not a counselor but I am a special ed teacher for children with emotional impairments. Part of the problem is that D9 is trapped there when she is with him. She has no way out. I am also not sure with OW acting the way she did when H and you were on the phone last night that OW is as "nice" as she pretends to be. She sounds as if she plans to try to replace you and this will create anxiety as well. One thing I can say is that if OW runs the show as it sounds, they may not be asked back. A little reality for H and OW is probably a good thing. Hard to carry on with the fantasy life when you have two sets of children and they don't share in the fantasy you have created.
I will pray for you and your family. What is wrong with this world anymore that these MLC WA's have to put their own selfish agenda ahead of the children they brought into this world with a responsibility to protect.
I have to say your H and OW make me very angry. Please get D9 into a counselor as soon as financially able and ask the counselor about sending her halfway across the country for weekends. She may not be ready for this for a while.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Thank you ANM. I appreciate your input. I hadn't thought about her possibly feeling trapped, but I can understand that.
I have been worried that ow is trying to send the message that she is a better "mom" to my kids than me. And her telling my kids that I left their dad too was obliteratiting a line that is so wrong. granted I don't know what STBX has told her but that is a flat out LIE. And she said it so sweetly and matter of factly I can only imagine what else might be said this weekend.
I honestly don't care what STBX and ow think of me personally. But it really does bother me that STBCX thinks that I would ever say something to the kids that is derogatory about him. That buthers me.
D9 is a very emotional child, very sensative and intuative that I worry a great deal about her. I will get her into C as soon as I can.
Thank you for the prayers.
I am going out to dinner with my sister and BIL. I will check in when I get home tonight. Hopefully STBX will answer his phone when I call the kids tonight...
Shades I dont think ive ever posted to you. Let ow cook herself...its sound she is running the show. Of course your stbxh lied to her.....thats a given. I would let her cook her own goose...she will keep pressuring the kids to like her and they will keep rebelling. She cant win them over that way...you just keep telling your D the truth and encouraging her not to feel guilty about being with Dad and ow.
other point....is your stbx avoiding getting a job til the D is thru? to maybe avoid as high a alimony/child support. I would be pointing this out to your L. His support should be based on earning potential. think about it please
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
I had a great time tonight with my sister and bil. Went for coffee then a FANTASTIC dinner, then back to their house to watch a movie.
I called STBX to say goodnight to the girls. He didn't answer so I left a message using a very friendly voice. They never called my cell back. On my way home I sent STBX a TM asking him to please have the girls call me tomorrow.
Tonight I get home and check my VM at the house, they called here. D5 said goodnight mommy, I love you, I want to see you and that they are going into the city tomorrow. Then I heard STBX in the background saying to let D9 say goodnight to me.
Her message is what has me bothered. Her voice was a little shaky and she said "Good night mom, I love you. And I know about it."
WTH is that? She knows about what?
The only thing I can think of is that they told her the I am the one that filed for D. Maybe that is what ow meant when she said that I left her dad too.
If that is what she meant I will have to explain it to her when she gets home where I can sit down with her and actually talk. What do I say to her???? Do I just tell her that I was tired of STBX disrepecting me and living with another woman while still M to me? Do I try to explain that I knew STBX wanted to go forward with the D and that even though I didn't want it that I understand that it is going to happen and that I was trying to control WHERE it takes place to make future changes to it easier for us? How much do you tell a child??? I guess it also depends on what STBX and ow told her. God only knows.
Of course this is all speculation on my part but I can't think of anything else that would cause her to have a shaky voice and leave a cryptic message.
I never actually tried to hide the fact that I am the one that file for D. We haven't ever talked about it. I have told her that a D is going to happen but I didn't feel that she needs to know the details of the D. I know she will be mad with me and I am ready to deal with that.
I feel that STBX and ow would tell my D9 this in order to get her mad at me since they believe I am trying to ruin his R with the girls. Very childish, but totally believable that they would. STBX is a controll freak and he is trying this would gain him something somehow in his mind I guess. Maybe underminding my R with D9.
I swear I am living a life that has gone completely out of my control and I can't stand that.
I do feel that they have now put D9 right in the middle of this. That is so unfair.
I am particularly pissed off this morning. I guess they had nothing esle to get D9 "on their side" so this is the tatic they chose. Shameful.
I do plan on sitting down with D9 when she gets home and explain to her that yes, I did file, but there are reasons why and no, this is not what I wanted at all. I am going to tell her that I stayed in NJ for a year hoping that STBX would change his mind and try to work on our R and he chose not to. That her dad has been dating ow for over a year and that I did not come to this decision rashly. I have never told hre that what her dad is doing is wrong but I think I am now. That dating / living with another woman while he is still M is wrong. That I filed for D for legal reasons and that I felt it was in the best interest for me and her and D5. That I never tried to hide it from her but felt it was between me and her dad and she didn't need to be in the middle.
do plan on sitting down with D9 when she gets home and explain to her that yes, I did file, but there are reasons why and no, this is not what I wanted at all. I am going to tell her that I stayed in NJ for a year hoping that STBX would change his mind and try to work on our R and he chose not to. That her dad has been dating ow for over a year and that I did not come to this decision rashly. I have never told hre that what her dad is doing is wrong but I think I am now. That dating / living with another woman while he is still M is wrong. That I filed for D for legal reasons and that I felt it was in the best interest for me and her and D5. That I never tried to hide it from her but felt it was between me and her dad and she didn't need to be in the middle
I think this is perfect. It is the truth, plain and simple. ((((((hugs)))))
I kept thinking that perhaps I wouldn't have to explain all of this to her right now. But that doesn't seem to be the case. I hate that all of these kids have to learn such difficult leassons so early in life.
I am going to get ready to go to church. I could really use it today.
