on hold

[stella_k]

hello all.
I have posted in MLC section 2 days ago, then realized I should have come here first.

Here is my story.
I am 45, H44, D17, M/T23.

Now that I heave learned so much about MLC I understand that it didn't start with
the bomb. I have noticed the change in H 2 years prior, he has become ill-tempered, had severe insomnia, drank a lot, was showing signs of depression and was increasingly unhappy with his work and the place where we live
(have been abroad for 13 years now).

MLC chronicle:

September 2007 he receives interesting job offer in our home town and goes away for an interview.

He calls and tells me he wants the job and takes it, will be back for Xmas.
Shortly before Xmas he calls me, drunk, and tells me he is in Hell (no explanation).

He arrives and I see the alien for the first time. His eyes are
beady, he is cold, unloving, makes nasty remarks, doesn't want any sex (which is very unusual).
Then, on Dec 27, the Bomb and ILUBNILWY speech.
We both cry (I perform all the pleading-begging-sobbing Don'ts)
and he says he needs time to sort things out, just wants to be alone. I ask if
there is OW and he says NO. In 23 years he didn't lie to me once,
so I believed him, of course. We decide that he goes and I stay where I am (I work full time teaching) until our D17 graduates.

We also decide not to tell anybody. He goes away and tells me he still loves me and everything will be ok. First 3 weeks he calls often, then it starts again - he is distant, cold, calls less, doesn't say anything about our R.
By then I start reading about MLC and do not initiate any R talk, just try to stay calm and positive.

Then he comes for XMas again. He is not an alien anymore, much nicer to me and D,
but still doesn't want sex. When I confront him, confesses that there is an OW,
and has been there for a year (the phone call from Hell).

I cannot really blame him when he says that I was unhappy all these years and made him unhappy as well. We had issues like any other couple and he was always very loving and supportive (in my MLC thread I've mentioned some of the issues).
I can see that he suffers too (he kept saying: what have I done?!).

This time we decided that he will have time till the end of May, until our D17
graduates. He says he still doesn't know what he wants.

Now that he is gone again (same scenario: calls often, says ILY, calls
less and less, sounds distant) I find it more difficult to remain positive.

Even though I have seen positive changes, I don't beleive that he will be out of
the tunnel any time soon.

I think that giving him a dead line was a mistake, but there is nothing I can do about it now.

I've decided that I'm going home, no matter what. I'm not going to stay here along,
with our D gone to college.

So here I am now - on hold, waiting for May (come what may:))

Thank you for listening and sorry about mistakes (dyslexic).

Stella.