My prior thread locked up. Go here for the most recent recap.
Last week, W has filed a Domestic Violence Protection Order against me. I think it is ludicrous, but it means, until the hearing, I cannot contact my children. I haven't seen them or spoken to them in 10 days.
I woke in the middle of the night last night and wept.
Today I want to have a good day.
Sunday I will get to see my kids, if all goes well.
--- I honestly think that she is filing this order, I don't know, maybe to delay everything? I was emailing her back-n-forth on the temporary orders - financial and time with the kids. I think she cannot bear to imagine splitting the kids 50/50 with me. She considers herself their mom, their one true parent, and divorcing and giving up 50% of that time, I would think that would be very hard for her. She is clinging to the children.
She's losing pretty much everything else - the house will be sold. We've already moved across the country from the rest of our family and friends. Her OM is 1000 miles away, and I'm not sure of the status there but it looks to be a cool "friend" relationship now. So we ccould say she "lost OM". She's lost me; I'm out of the house. (Look, I know she says that I was the source of all her problems, but hell I Was a constant companion, always there, every night, I listened, I helped her in the house, brought her flowers, and so on. I know she must miss that). With a divorce she will lose her red convertible car (bought for her 40th bday), her independence & lifestyle. She'll likely need a job. She's losing so much. I think the DVPO is a way to cling desperately to the children.
I don't believe it will be upheld. She had originally asked for a drastic remediation - she didn't want me to see the kids ever again. Taking to new extremes the art of rewriting history, she cast me as a 22-year abuser, and her as the helpless victim standing by all those years.
The truth is that I have a temper. I have raised my voice in the house. I don't anymore (Well, I'm not in the house anymore, but I don't yell anymore). I have never called my kids or my wife names or insulted them hurtfully. I do not strike them. We spanked them years ago, but long ago W and I had a talk and decided to stop spanking. I have never punched a wall. I have never threatened anyone with violence.
It feels like a desperate ploy on her part.
I feel her pain, and mine too. It's a darn shame that she is taking it this way.
a darn shame.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
I don't know what it is like where you live but where I live once you make that accusation and file charges, it goes to court. It takes about six months and the person who did the filing has to testify against you and yes, you get your chance to speak before the judge as well.
You might want to check into this because it might get to the point where they will not allow you to have any contact with your kids.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Get a GOOD attorney, okay? It's totally stupid, but the way the laws are written these days, the burden is on YOU to prove you're NOT an abuser.
I've seen this happen to several guys here on the boards, I think there must be a manual out there that says "Step number 15: Make a false abuse accusation against your spouse."
I do have an attorney. I'm a little concerned that she (my attorney) is not completely signed up for the path I am now on. It took me by surprise, and her, too. My attorney is more of a mediator/collaborative negotiation type of person.
In my original post I wrote:
Quote:
I don't believe it will be upheld. She had originally asked for a drastic remediation - she didn't want me to see the kids ever again. Taking to new extremes the art of rewriting history, she cast me as a 22-year abuser, and her as the helpless victim standing by all those years.
And I say "originally" because, after I contacted family friends, and after she contacted her attorney, she withdrew the demand that I never see my children again. I am not drawing a causal relationship there, between the communication between me and friends, and her and the attorney, but it may be there. The DVPO sure seems unwise and unwarranted, maybe her attorney is cautioning her to get real. Maybe her friends are. Who knows.
Unless she has proof that you abused our kids, then the court might throw it out.
They may call the kids in to testify or provide statements.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Two years ago, my H was drunk and hit me and I called the police on him. Then he pushed me around a few months later and I did the same thing. He is not normally like this but it was a nightmare what had happened.
If you want you can email me.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I'm sorry to hear about that, SF. That's no good. I'm sure it was scary for you.
I've never done that to my wife or kids.
Her statement in the petition for protection says otherwise, though. It says I chased her through the house, grabbed her, blocked doorways, cornered her, etc. None of this is really true, although I am certain she believes it to be true. There are no allegations of "hitting", slapping, etc. Thankfully. And she hasn't alleged that I threatened her with a weapon, thankfully.
I believe she is afraid I will "take the children from her." Her actions seem to indicate she has a great deal of fear, specifically about *that*.
She seems to be very troubled.
At this point I think I would be very satisfied with my kids having a sane mommy. DBing is sort of a pipe dream now.
My H was in the thick of his MLC when this happened otherwise he is very gentle.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
My word we are very parallel in our experiences. That has to be why we've been directed here to this site andwhy you choose to chime in on my thread.
Let me explain... My W is claiming that she is "physically, emotionally, and psychologically afraid of me." When I found out about the affair when it was in its infancy and questioned it, she said "Two weeks of bad decisions on my part doesn't make up for 10 years of abuse on yours." This is her game plan to divorce me.
You wrote:
Quote:
The truth is that I have a temper. I have raised my voice in the house. I have never called my kids or my wife names or insulted them hurtfully. I do not strike them. I have never punched a wall. I have never threatened anyone with violence.
I have a temper too and was very overreactive during our arguments in the past. I have never threatened her or my D and I've never, ever hit her or even had the thought cross my mind. However, in her mind, I was a massive scary monster.
Your other quote below also relates quite well with my situation.
Quote:
I think I would be very satisfied with my kids having a sane mommy. DBing is sort of a pipe dream now.
I'm not sure if I can DB my marriage successfully either at this point. I'm not sure if she's completely gone or not. My W's blind faith in the OM has me very concerned, but I am with you 100%.
I would rather lose my marriage for good than to have my W continue to be unhealthy for my D. The most important thing is the welfare of my D, so to make sure that happens, her mommy needs to be psychologically healthy.
I really know where you are at right now, SPM. We have to hang in and continue to see where things go.
