Your wife's fatalism keeps her from being willing to try. As long as she believes she must follow some destiny that is laid out for her, you can't make any headway. Let her go. If her fate truly awaits, great, she was right. If she runs into brick walls and finds there is no destiny, then maybe she'll look back and see that what she left behind was a good life. You can't reason with her. She has her head filled with all this new age stuff.
I don't know Sara, we've been broken for a long time. Maybe it WASN'T a good life.
I can't tell you how many times she told me I was trying to 'control' her last night. I was. I was trying to fix it and I know it was a mistake but that's what I DO. I'm broken.
In reality I haven't been a good partner and as I listened to her I kept thinking that we just never are able to get it together. In the first 6 years or so of our marriage I was a lot stronger, I started my company and grew it till I sold it. After that bad stuff all happened when the new guys totally changed the culture and I lost my self esteem and my friends I haven't been the same since. That was 10 years ago. We've broken up twice since then and this is the third time. Each time I was still broken after 'fixing' the situation.
Even though I KNOW now that I need to be fixing myself and I'm committed to that, I can't expect her to believe that any more. and from her words it seems like she doesn't want to take the chance again. She has some 'love' for me but not enough to try. Her heart is closed. Period.
I just see her eventually meeting some decent guy who treats her well and isn't as high maintenance as I am, Mr 'type A' with an intense emotional side. She'd probably be happier with someone less intense. She just wants someone to love, who also loves himself. Is that too much for her to ask?
Even though I want to BE that person, sometimes there is too much damage to fix and it can't be done.
I'll get my demons under control in the next year and recover what's left of my life and my career. I think that if she moves out, the less contact we have the better off I'll be as I can let her go. I wish I had some friends near me but I don't. I'll need to join a divorce recovery group or something I guess.
I hope other people are learning this lesson. DB'ing isn't fixing your marriage, without the solid foundation of 'yourself', it won't last.
