Yes, it is. I am learning alot about becoming a better me through this whole process.
I felt good about the card yesterday, because I didn't focus on Vday at all for anyone except the kids. All I got for h was a kiddie card (Tinkerbell!) and I bought a Vday cake for the family. I can honestly say I had no expectations about Vday at all!
Also, I had been getting a little down over the last few days because it seemed that maybe h was withdrawing or backing up a little bit. When he doesn't call or when I can't reach him, I tend to think that he's out gambling or hiding something from me. (Our first C remarked that gambling was like the OW in our R.) It was so hard over these last few days not to say anything about that. I'm glad I resisted.
If you figure out how to rebuild the trust, let me know!
Yes, things are "not bad", so that must be good, right? Or at least "not bad".
I've been sick with a horrible cold and sinus infection the last week. I asked h to take the kids overnight tonight and he did, so I am solo. I needed some time alone anyway. He never asks to bring the kids to his place- it's always up to me to suggest it, if I want time alone in the house. Lately d2 has been waking up through the night or very early, so I just need some quiet time to rest. I do feel guilty about it though. I wish he would offer more often- we discussed this a couple of counseling sessions ago.
Sorry if I'm not exactly coherent tonight. My head and sinuses are making me feel awful.
I'm in a sort of a funk. Am I doing the right thing by putting up with h coming and going as he pleases? It's great when I feel that we're getting closer, but then when he leaves, it s*cks. He was here from Sat. at dinnertime until Sunday after the Oscars ended. I had fallen asleep on the couch and he woke me up to say he was leaving... and I said "why do you have to go?" Like a whiny kid. He didn't answer.
Hi NG, I guess I could try that, but we've gotten to a point where we are doing all family things together, just like we used to. I don't want that to end, so I don't want to discourage it. It would probably be a good idea for me to add another GAL activity to my week though (I do yoga one night), especially since he's here anyway to hold down the fort.
I'm just getting frustrated with the slow pace toward possible reconciliation.
For my own clarity, I feel like I have to spell out just how much he is here. Mondays and Thursdays, he comes over after work, Tuesdays and Wednesdays I'm usually at work so he picks up the kids and brings them home, he has dinner here, we put the kids to bed together most nights and then he'll stay here until I go to bed (or later). One (sometimes 2) nights a week he'll leave after dinner to go to a GA meeting, then he goes straight to the apt after that. On weekends, he usually comes over Sat morning and spends most of the weekend here, sometimes sleeping here, sometimes not.
We had a C session today. I left feeling a little frustrated. We discussed him moving home, he's not ready but can't verbalize why. Had some nice hugs and a couple of real kisses afterward. I think he's trying the best he can right now. I know I need to step back, not push, be patient. It is SO hard!
Yeah, it sure feels like backing off would be the right thing here, New Attitude. As for him coming and going as he pleases - if there is no inconvenience for you, then ... why not? it prolly feels like an insult to be treated this way, especially given the family and all your history. But he's not ready. Maybe could you just... let him be for a while?
And when he leaves - no whiny kid! Put that whiny kid away. Or you can whine here. (But we probably won't tolerate it for long either).
Maybe another GAL activity would help you keep your patience.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
