I went back and read what I posted. Reality was MUCH worse than what it sounds like. It was AWFUL and beyond. I was shaking and so angry, hurt and sad.
I am worried about D9. She has such an anger issue. I need to get her to a C but I need to get insurance to cover it and STBX STILL has no job and my job doesn't have benefits yet. Also, D9 yells at me that she isn't going to a C that she doesn't like them and she doesn't like to talk to people about her feelings. That I am the only person she trusts. I have explained to her that she IS going to go that a C is trained properly in how to help her understand her feelings and work through or deal with them.
Honestly, I was so upset that I have gone over and over in my mind what I could have said that would cause this reaction. I can't come up with anything. I have ALWAYS supported D9's R with her dad. I tell her that she may not agree with his choices and that is okay, she has a right to feel however she feels but that she will treat him with respect.
When she starts in with the I hate my dad and things I tell her that she and I both know that she doesn't hate her dad, that infact she loves him. That perhaps she hates the situation, and she agrees.
I don't know why it is that she acts like she has (and probably does have) a great time with STBX and ow while she is with them and them does a 180 when she is with me or talks to me. I can only guess that maybe she is feeling disloyal to me when she is having fun with them. Even though I have told her again and again that it is okay to like ow and that I want her to enjoy the time with her dad. I just realized the disloyal thing this morning (yes, I'm a little slow... ) I thought about texting STBX that but I think it might be better if I just leave well enough alone.
This was on my mind the whole time I was out last night. I had considered not going at all. But it was better for me to have a distraction than to sit and brood over it all night long.
I have been at the a LOOOOOOONG time. Not that it makes it better, but you just kind of get used to it. Well, as much as you can.
) I thought about texting STBX that but I think it might be better if I just leave well enough alone.
