D17 came in and told me she loved me and gave me a hug. She was visibly upset so I asked her to sit down.
She did and I asked her what's bothering her. She then starts to cry and says "I wish you and mom would just get divorced already because I hate all this pretending. We don't do anything as a family any more and it's uncomfortable. You're never going to make things work so get it over already". I decided to try to explain where things were with me and started to tell her about how the events 2 years ago had really worn me down and as soon as I started to talk she started to yell "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY MORE SOB STORIES! I'M TIRED OF IT!"
I was calm and said to her that I'm not telling a sob story I'm explaining why I was so out of it for the past many months and she got up and was hysterically yelling "I don't care any more!" and started to walk away. I told her to stop and sit down and calm down and she just kept being hysterical and I stood in front of her and told her she needed to calm down.
She decided she didn't have to talk to me and tried to walk around me or otherwise leave. As I kept telling her to stop it and sit she kept telling me she didn't have to and screaming until W came downstairs to see what is going on.
I told her that I was handling it and D17 was being rude and I was telling D17 to sit down. I kept repeating myself and W was telling me I was wrong to be telling her she had to 'sit down and listen to me'. Well, W has always stuck up for the kids if I use a loud voice or do anything that might be 'scary'. So I told he that, that she has done that for years and it undermines any authority I have. If I EVER raise my voice to the kids I have always been yelled at for it.
D17 meanwhile is giving me an evil 'F - you' look and I'm losing any control of the situation. D17 finally sits and starts going on about "Why won't you guys get a 'f-ing' divorce because we're all tired of living like this."
W is 'calm' and looks at me and I'm not calm any more. The earlier talk with her, and the hysterics of D17 just are overwhelming to me. I look at W and I say "I hope you're happy, you win. You got everybody to want a divorce". Probably shouldn't have, but it doesn't matter any more.
So we all calmed down and sat with D17 (D12 is at a friends house). W is calm, I am calm. She explains that it's over and we're working out how to split it up. I sat next to D17 and put my arms around her while we talked. we both tell her we love her and after a little while more she goes to bed.
There was a lot more to the conversation, but the general story is that D17 is upset, I talk to her, thinking that if I explain the past year as it related to me that it will give her some perspective, she loses it and gets hysterical, I try to get her to stop and it turns into a clash of wills, W comes into the mess, D17 pushes more buttons and we end up talking about the divorce.
I went in the living room and sat down. I was totally angry and hurt and just feeling lost.
