Kalni, this song came on VH1 while I was reading your post. Maybe you can find some strength in it.
CHRISETTE MICHELE LYRICS
"Be Ok" (feat. Will.I.Am)
Imma take my lexus to the mall Get a little black dress just because Me and my boo just broke it off Imma be fly although hes gone And i dont really care bout who he's with Imma get mine and he'll get his Even though i was in love with him, I really hope the best for them
Every sentimental and my crying sacrimental Tell me what i cant get into I cant lose my mind Think its time for me to let go Cause my heart cant take it no more You were all i lived for but i'll leave you behind
Imma be ok Imma be ok I'll survive, i'll be fine, i wont cry no way Imma be ok Imma be ok Dont you talk, i'll move on, baby walk away
Imma keep my head up, hold it high Really did my best i know you tried Even though it hurts i will survive I'll wipe my eyes, i'll stay alive Take a deep breath and count to 10 Today's a new day i'll start again, Imma find myself so deep within Imma survivor i will win
Every sentimental and my crying sacrimental Tell me what i cant get into I cant lose my mind Think its time for me to let go Cause my heart cant take it no more You were all i lived for but i'll leave you behind
Imma be ok Imma be ok I'll survive, i'll be fine, i wont cry no way Imma be ok Imma be ok Dont you talk, i'll move on, baby walk away
Hi Kalni and Lizzie...must have been a week for it. I too have hit a point when I think, can I really keep doing this? Was it all a lie, was he ever really in love with me, I cant believe he was else he surely wouldnt have WA without trying. I dont have children to bind me, but then perhaps it makes it so much harder that they WA. I cant see any signs of hope either, but I deserve to be loved, fully and I have alot of love to give.
I dont understand why he left and I wonder if he will ever regret his decision. Your H would surely Kalni, you sound like a lovely caring loving woman, with wonderful kids. He surely wont look back on his life and feel proud of this decision. I'm sorry you are getting to the end of your rope. You are most probably tired. It takes effort to keep the faith and especially when you are doing it alone without their help. Whats the worst that can happen if you "give up" and detach more? Nothing will really change from now. It couldnt get any worse. The only thing that could happen (slim chance?) is that in doing so, he comes to his senses. It hurts though doesnt it, to feel forced to let go of them.
Yeah, I am going to be alright. When I think about it, I don't have any other choice. None of us has. We have to be fine no matter what.
I am detaching with warp speed (Startrek I think). I mean incredibly fast. And that leaves me with an overwhelming sadness. I am so sick and tired of him playing the :"don't know what to do game, I am hopeless, sad, tired and I can't figure out what I want..." I have been ignoring his calls, I think a couple of times I even created some mystery regarding my whereabouts, I am still friendly and to the point when we do talk about the kids, and I ve been letting him doing things like insurances, bank accounts etc. on HIS OWN(!!!) I am just giving him the numbers and letting him do what he wants to do, I do not offer, I politely avoid having anything to do whith this kind of staff. On Valentines day he kept calling and he actualy left a message on my mobile (did I tell you guys this?) It's one of the very few times he has ever left me a voice mail. He must have been desperate to reach me. He was mabbling about this and that and his last words were "call me if you feel like it". I didn't but when he called again I answered and he wanted to know If I had received his message. I cassully said "yes, but I was going to talk to you when i get home..." so he asked VERY "chickenly" (my own word I know) "where are you now". Isaid "around, shopping".
The last couple of days he is being more distant and I truly do not miss him AT ALL. I 'd written and finalised the "it is over letter" to him, while looking pictures of us being happy together not very far back. But then everybody here suggested not to send it and I had a session with my therapist who said the same thing. She told I am not ready for this. She suggested I set some kind of a deadline.
There is an issue with the kids. Both my C and theirs, think there is a need to talk to them again, me & STBX H, regarding how final this situation is. My poor babies are on hold mode. Last week Sat, he told the kids' therapist he doesn't know what to do, he is confused, so he doesn't want to have it yet. What an A$$, if I may add. Here we are with 2 small kids that miss him and he still can't figure out what he wants. He puts himself prior to the kids need of clarity and stability. WTF did I ever marry this guy? He is a terrible WIMP!!! He even said so himself.
I can sense he doesn't like me withdrawing, but he is confused because I don't attack him or anything. I am still friendly and upbeat so he is waiting to see what comes next. I know he is.
And I believe he thought I was doing something for Vday (tough luck).
Any way, will see how it goes... I am ok I guess. Just sad.
H (STBX), just came by to take the kids out for a couple of hours (we had it previously arranged).
He looked damned good.But the same person...
He commented on my clothes, (first time in many months). I offered to let them stay here , he refused. He was looking at me as a woman, that I noticed. But we have drifted so far appart from each other, it is so very sad.
I'm so sorry that things don't look fixable to you. I am sure that with the improvements you have made in yourself, that you will flourish in the future. Please continue to let us know how things are going for you.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
we have a snowstorm here in Athens (Greece). Most roads in the city are closed, the airport is closed, it's wild. Everything is so ... white and quiet.
I really miss my H. It's this sense/feeling of security and of our family that I miss terribly.
He called twice and kept referring to what it was like the last time such thing happened, 4 years ago.
I've been reading your thread. I am always thinking of you. And I hope that there will be somekind of wild comeback, a turn around, whatever would make you happy...
I 've been really negative the last few weeks. Ready to give up. BUT, I can't give up, I am going to make it really hard for him... As long as he is smelling the bbq, I'll continue my picnic. And if he doesn't join me soon enough, somebody else will eventually, right?
I assure you that if your H doesn't decide to join the picnic someone else will. However, I know you'd prefer your H as I would prefer my W. Hopefully we will both get what we want.
I've been negative as well for some reason. And I've wanted to give up also. Then I looked at my kids this morning and realized that I can't give up.
