I am sitting here feeling like an idiot and remembering that I do get in my own way. And that I need to focus on me again and the changes I need to make not on what he is doing or not doing I am getting weak and giving into to jealousy.
It used to consume me and I couldnt see clear and I would just freeze. I need to journal a lot more keep up with the working out and give me time for me and keep at this.
I talked to him earlier and he mentioned how I never wear the sexy underwear he got me @ Victoria Secret, he even remebered the color and I didnt.. yeah small little detail. He remeberes my color of undies I do not, SAD! As I sat pouting and thinking undies ????!!!!!!!!! big deal you leave me here all by my self for months on end and you ahve the nerve to complain anout my D*MN underwear that I do or dont wear,, it (sort of ) CAME to me. he really does need to me tovalue myself even more and be self confident even more and just shine.
Something that I do well and when I feel down I fail miserably. It feels like this is neverending sometimes. But yes my self esteem has been an issue as long as I can remember,,,, when he met me my self esteem was at an all time high and I truly loved myself and I felt strong,,,, I can feel myself getting there and wanting to be there but at the same time then the old creeps in and I allow it to taint my actions my words my moods, my everything.
I appreciate evryones support here and know thta I can do this and I obviously cant be a DOLL and always be Happy, I am made of flesh and blood ,,, but I do need to stop being so influenced by his moods or what he used to be and what he used to do and SHINE REGARDLESS.
*************************HARD AS H*LL..... ****************** BUT THERE IS NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT, IT IS ALL I HAVE. I am sure to fall on my face every now and then, bUT HE WILL NEVER KNOW , THIS IS MY STRUGGLE.
