you don't seem to really know what you want from a relationship right now and you've gotten involved with men who know *exactly* what they want from a relationship and they take you directly to that place. When you get to that place, you're like, "I like you and I like being with you and I enjoyed the journey here and I like this place but I don't know if it's what I want because I'm not exactly positive what it is that I want."
I think this is exactly right on the money!
Mojo, I think your task at the moment is to focus on yourself and get very okay with you BEING okay when a man is not sexually validating you.
When you talk about yourself on this BB you focus on your HDness and sexual experience/prowess in a way that makes me think that YOU think that is the best and most attractive part of you.
"All a man has to do is touch me and breathe on my neck and I fall down with my legs spread." Okay... that's good...but what does that MEAN to you? Do you think that's what men find most attractive about you? If you start out that way, how will a man ever discover your pilgrim soul?
I'm even going to go so far as to suggest that you tone yourself down sexually (EXTERNALLY-- in appearance, speech, behavior) just so you can see what other Mojo-qualities bubble up to the surface. Like someone who has mastered the violin, knows she can do it, has played Carnegie Hall, and now wants to learn glass blowing, or dog grooming, or stilt-walking. You KNOW you love sex, you love relating sexually (and WE know it, too!), but what ELSE is there to you???
I believe that sexuality is most meaningful when shared in a deeply intimate situation. That's why even my best lover and I did not have the best time possible, because I could never honestly say ILY to him while we were in the throes.
The way you're going at this is leaving you beat up emotionally and I hate to see that. It's painful to those of us who care about you (and we really do!).
