Yeah, I am going to be alright. When I think about it, I don't have any other choice. None of us has. We have to be fine no matter what.
I am detaching with warp speed (Startrek I think). I mean incredibly fast. And that leaves me with an overwhelming sadness. I am so sick and tired of him playing the :"don't know what to do game, I am hopeless, sad, tired and I can't figure out what I want..." I have been ignoring his calls, I think a couple of times I even created some mystery regarding my whereabouts, I am still friendly and to the point when we do talk about the kids, and I ve been letting him doing things like insurances, bank accounts etc. on HIS OWN(!!!) I am just giving him the numbers and letting him do what he wants to do, I do not offer, I politely avoid having anything to do whith this kind of staff. On Valentines day he kept calling and he actualy left a message on my mobile (did I tell you guys this?) It's one of the very few times he has ever left me a voice mail. He must have been desperate to reach me. He was mabbling about this and that and his last words were "call me if you feel like it". I didn't but when he called again I answered and he wanted to know If I had received his message. I cassully said "yes, but I was going to talk to you when i get home..." so he asked VERY "chickenly" (my own word I know) "where are you now". Isaid "around, shopping".
The last couple of days he is being more distant and I truly do not miss him AT ALL. I 'd written and finalised the "it is over letter" to him, while looking pictures of us being happy together not very far back. But then everybody here suggested not to send it and I had a session with my therapist who said the same thing. She told I am not ready for this. She suggested I set some kind of a deadline.
There is an issue with the kids. Both my C and theirs, think there is a need to talk to them again, me & STBX H, regarding how final this situation is. My poor babies are on hold mode. Last week Sat, he told the kids' therapist he doesn't know what to do, he is confused, so he doesn't want to have it yet. What an A$$, if I may add. Here we are with 2 small kids that miss him and he still can't figure out what he wants. He puts himself prior to the kids need of clarity and stability. WTF did I ever marry this guy? He is a terrible WIMP!!! He even said so himself.
I can sense he doesn't like me withdrawing, but he is confused because I don't attack him or anything. I am still friendly and upbeat so he is waiting to see what comes next. I know he is.
And I believe he thought I was doing something for Vday (tough luck).
Any way, will see how it goes... I am ok I guess. Just sad.
