Up and down we go, where it stops, nobody knows

[SirPrizeMe]

My prior thread locked up.
Go here for the most recent recap.

Last week, W has filed a Domestic Violence Protection Order against me. I think it is ludicrous, but it means, until the hearing, I cannot contact my children. I haven't seen them or spoken to them in 10 days.

I woke in the middle of the night last night and wept.

Today I want to have a good day.

Sunday I will get to see my kids, if all goes well.

---
I honestly think that she is filing this order, I don't know, maybe to delay everything? I was emailing her back-n-forth on the temporary orders - financial and time with the kids. I think she cannot bear to imagine splitting the kids 50/50 with me. She considers herself their mom, their one true parent, and divorcing and giving up 50% of that time, I would think that would be very hard for her. She is clinging to the children.

She's losing pretty much everything else - the house will be sold. We've already moved across the country from the rest of our family and friends. Her OM is 1000 miles away, and I'm not sure of the status there but it looks to be a cool "friend" relationship now. So we ccould say she "lost OM". She's lost me; I'm out of the house. (Look, I know she says that I was the source of all her problems, but hell I Was a constant companion, always there, every night, I listened, I helped her in the house, brought her flowers, and so on. I know she must miss that). With a divorce she will lose her red convertible car (bought for her 40th bday), her independence & lifestyle. She'll likely need a job. She's losing so much. I think the DVPO is a way to cling desperately to the children.

I don't believe it will be upheld. She had originally asked for a drastic remediation - she didn't want me to see the kids ever again. Taking to new extremes the art of rewriting history, she cast me as a 22-year abuser, and her as the helpless victim standing by all those years.

The truth is that I have a temper. I have raised my voice in the house. I don't anymore (Well, I'm not in the house anymore, but I don't yell anymore). I have never called my kids or my wife names or insulted them hurtfully. I do not strike them. We spanked them years ago, but long ago W and I had a talk and decided to stop spanking. I have never punched a wall. I have never threatened anyone with violence.

It feels like a desperate ploy on her part.

I feel her pain, and mine too.
It's a darn shame that she is taking it this way.

a darn shame.