Don't get disheartened by all this, there are gonna be plenty more ups and downs on this roller coaster. Are you and W still going out to the theatre ? If yes have a good time, if not, just get Valentines day out of the way and get back to that PMA you've been showing.
Regarding not using pets names here's an interesting thread you can read.
No, no theatre. She seems alright this evening (so far). When I got back she was rereading my card to her, because she said she didnt have a chance to take it all in this morning. Also told me one of her coworkers told her today she is a divorcee, made her and her ex husband happy she said, but there were some surprises during and after divorce... (bad surprises my W thinks, but they were interupted before they could finish the conversation.) Have to wait till tomorrow for that one.
God, I want my wife back!!!
PMA still in place around her.
Probably will write again before bed. It is theraputic
Cheers Steve
PS. anyones spouse who cheated, ever feel too guilty to face the cheated on spouce, and that was reason for not coming back? That is one of my Ws reasons, is there any way I can help her overcome this. Ithink by not talking about it for a while, to take the focus off it. Anyone else had similar sitch?
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
Quite good tonight. We watch tv, did not talk about R. Talked a bit about religion. My Ws religion is very important to her. She tried to get me to become active last year, but I was very skeptical of all religions. I asked alot of questions, as is my character. After about a month I gave up.
Now since this crisis started I have turned to praying and found great comfort. I told her today, that whatever happens I want our child to be brought up in this religion. (not the same as my families religion, or even my countrys for that matter). I truly mean this. She said that she is sad that it too me so long to realise the benifits of praying, and she is woried that if I get more confident i may drop the religion again. I told her that because (personal reason) I wont stop with this, and I would have suggested raising our child like this if I thought there was any chance I would quit. She again said she was sad i couldnt realise sooner. I told her that I was going to say a postiive thing and it was allowed because it was Valentines Day.. I said that I believed in my heart that at least it wasnt TOO late. I then left the room to wash the dishes. She called me back and said I cant just say something like that and walk away. I told her I thought she might need a minute, and anyway I was a little afraid of her reply. She said that she just doesnt know. (baby step) Which is a whole lot better than the big S or D word! I am getting better at the goodnight part of the night as well, I used to follow her into her (our) room for a last chat and goodnight. Now I just say goodnight at the door. I asked for a Valentines Hug, and she said if she has too (kind of good naturedly) and we hugged. I was a nice hug, tighter than for a while. (no patting on my back either lol)
A baby step forward, and considering how angry I was this morning, that is quite an acheivement!
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
She wasnt feeling too good this mornign so she asked for a neck and back massage, which i gave her. Then I got her breakfast and warmed her car like I do every morning. She seemed ok when she left. Doesnt wave goodbye at the moment though. Guess she has a lot on her mind! lol.
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
Called me from work with a computer question. I gave her advice and then asked if there wasnt someone around ther that could show her, as it might be easier to understand, rather than me just saying it. She said that `he` could probably help. I dont think she meant anything by it, and I let it go. I think so long as I act `as if` I dont know about `them` for now, things will improve.
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
She was very negative tonight. Says she cant stay with me. Says her feelings for the OM are strong. She says she is trying on the M by coming home each night. Not willing to do anything else. Says there are things about the OM that I would be really jelous about, but if we are to stand any chance then she cant/shouldnt tell me. She cant see her feelings for him dampening even though she knows she cant have him and she acknowledges the fact that he is of questionable moral character. She said her feelings of guilt are about 30-40% of the reason for leaving, OM is only 10% and the rest is us. Cant believe anything. She said herself that I shouldnt believe anything I tell her. She feels bad about the baby, the fact that we cant be positive about whos it is. That is another reason she couldnt stay, because if it wasnt mine then she would see the OMs face everyday, so couldnt face the guilt of being with me. Her feeling seems to be telling her that the baby is not mine, even though the timing makes it more likely to be mine. She says that we just `had sex` so there was no feeling there, so couldnt have made a baby.
This rollercoaster really sucks. Yesterday even though I was on the up I knew there would be a dip. She brought it up again, need to stop responding. I am very calm about all this still.
Well you know, **** her and **** him, I am going to draw her back and everything will be better than before!! Who will be laughing then!!!
PMA still firmly in place. Just need to stop rising to the bait when she starts talking.
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
PS. anyone tried these DB coaches? Are they worth it?
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
This rollercoaster really sucks. Yesterday even though I was on the up I knew there would be a dip. She brought it up again, need to stop responding. I am very calm about all this still.
Oh yeah - Every time I think I'm used to it, it goes crazy on me. Every time it gets bad, I think it's going to stay bad, but it doesn't. On the flip side, every time it gets good, that doesn't last too long either.
I just shut my eyes when we go round a crazy bend and come out the other side upside down
She said her decision kind of rests with me. She says that when I am calm and nice to her, she is unsure about leaving but when we `talk` then she is sure about leaving.
Did anyone ever let their S be with the OP to keep their marriage going in the short run?
Cheers
Steve
Me 27 W 30 M 2yrs/ T 5yrs Expecting our first child Sept 08 warning bomb (has feelings for someone) 21/12/08 I found out about OM (by snooping) 14/1/08 Living together.
PS. anyone tried these DB coaches? Are they worth it?
They are incredible! Very insightful and they get your situation virtually immediately. It is almost spooky how mine was able to help me understand my W's view and what her actions and my actions were doing to us.
Best of luck!
J
H-43 W-41 S-15,S-12,S-11 Together 22 years Married 15 years Affair Discovered - March 06 D Day Announcement - Dec 23,07 Move out Day - Feb 15,2008 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1350958&page=0&fpart=1
