Purr...This sounds exactly like my method of torturing myself! I feel exactly the same way at times. I imagine him out, with friends, I picture him laughing, spotting woman across the bar, generally having a great night out. And no, he doesnt spare a thought for me..and whilst he is actually getting on with his life and managing to, I am merely trying (and its slow going), I sit home every night with no friends here, focusing on him and what he's up to, feeling humiliated that he WA without even trying, like a pathetic reject..etc etc ad naseum.
Then I get on the phone to my friend, and she reminds me that he looks and sounds miserable. That, yes, he's out in a bar, but thats only becuase he cant bare his own company (or sits home drinking wine) and yes he will have some laughs, but those people are alot younger than him and theres something faintly sad about a man in his mid 30s sat in a bar doing shots with 22/24 year olds. Me and my friend went out at that age, and we used to get eyed up by guys in their mid 30s and we would think them sad and pathetic... So I suppose its just a matter of perception!
I agree, I feel so insignificant in his world after being the most signinficant thing, the person he confided in, the one person who listened to him, the only person who has helped him to realise a few dreams and been there for him when his Dad died and then we go from that to this, when I cant even be sure if or when he will call. I have realised now that thats what the DB books mean about PMA...turn your mind around to the positives. Let it go. Easier said than done though!
Despite what you wrote I think you're doing amazingly well and you give such excellent advice on other peoples threads that you seem to have a good handle on your own and others sitches.
It is a sad thing she said to the MC, but then realistically, shes the one that made the decision, so this is going to be easier for her. If anything, she is the one in control, so she doesnt have all that to contend with as we do have, the feeling of having no say or power in your life, that this person you shared your life with has just taken a momumentous decision without involving you in it which affects you so hugely. They are the ones though that will have to live with that decision and their actions now for the rest of their days. In the case of my BF, I wouldnt want to have to do that. He often said after the bomb that he "hated himself" for what he's done, thats terrible!
Ali ____________________ Me: 36 H: 34 LT: 9 years ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07 Own apartment: 26 Jan 08 no change
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
