It was interesting.....very weird and interesting.
H picked up S13 this afternoon at about 130p (had a half day at school today and they are on winter break next week) instead of the 630p that was on the schedule for him to pick him up. I had ok'd it so no biggie. I am glad he wanted to spend the time with him. I asked H today when he called me to confirm pick up time about what time he was going to bring him home since the schedule was 1030p and I had "plans" and wouldn't be home until around then. H said he had thought he would bring him home around 830p-900p. My mom lives with us so it's not like S13 would be alone anyway but still the schedule is 1030p....whatever. I can't control anything so I just had to let it go.
Anyway, I got home from work and S13 called me. He asked me what I was going to do tonight, where I was going, was I going with anyone. These are not normal questions for my son. He usually couldn't care less where I'm going or what I'm doing unless it directly effects him. I told him I was going out. He just kept asking though and I thought about it for a minute and decided I would tell him because I had a feeling that he was asking all these questions because he was feeling insecure, like if he didn't know where I was specifically then maybe I would just walk out of our home like his dad did. It made me sad and worried for him so I told him I was going to Starbucks, might meet up with some friends from my Wednesday night class there and then go to the restaurant across the street to listen to some music (live band on Friday and Saturday night) but I wasn't sure. He seemed ok with the answer and told me that he and his dad were coming back to town here to have dinner and then he was bringing him home. He just seemed like there was more he wanted to say or ask but I didn't push for answers from him right then.
I went to Starbucks, got a Venti (yeah, and obviously the caffeine is still kicking my butt since I'm still up and it's 130am!!!) opened the laptop and started surfing. I sent S13 a quick text to make sure he was definitely ok with me being out tonight and if he wanted me home when he got there it was fine, just to let me know. He sent back that I deserved to have fun too. That was nice. He said that he and his dad were at Chili's having dinner and he knew it was right across the street from Starbucks. We chatted for a few minutes via text and then my cousin called. I sat and talked to her for a while and in the middle of our conversation I see my H's car drive very slowly past Starbucks (I was sitting at the coffee bar in the window). I stopped talking to my cousin and started to freak out a little. Why in the heck is he doing that? My other line started ringing and it was S13. He was laughing and said that he saw me in Starbuck's wearing a pink sweater and talking on the phone. He wanted to know if I saw them drive by and I told him I didn't (yeah, ok white lie but he didn't need to know I saw them). He talked to me for several minutes after that and then his dad dropped him at home.
Now I'm not so sure that all of those questions about where I was going and if I was going with someone were from S13 and not his dad. My H has always had ways of manipulating things in order to get information without seeming overt about it (I guess that's why he's so good at his job). I don't know, I could be reading things into that but it's just really strange.
So, in all, I spent about an hour at Starbucks and then an hour and a half at the book store. I went to the restaurant to see what band was playing but I didn't like the music they were playing. I'll have to check them out again in a couple of weeks and see if the band that week is any better. Maybe I can find someone to go with me so I don't feel like such a conspicuous looser. I walked into the restaurant all by myself, into the bar area loaded full of people and felt SO insecure. I had to get out of there fast. I have never liked to go out places by myself but to walk into a social situation by myself is terrifying!!!!!! I have never been alone in my entire adult life and it's truly unnerving to realize that you are vulnerable to God only knows what.
Have any of you tried to go out and do social things completely on your own? How did you handle it? What did you do?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
