Are you seriously suggesting that I get back together with a man who is currently living in an efficiency apartment on the street where the hookers work in Denver, making $7 an hour, not paying child support, not talking to either of his parents, almost certainly drinking too much and not taking the ADs a slew of psychiatrists agreed he was in need of.. the man with whom I had sex 3x in the same week maybe 3x in the whole course of our marriage?
Still don’t think you have issues to settle with this man? Maybe not him per se, but with men in general, your exH being the poor example that you had to get stuck with as representative of males. But then, you had as much choice in selecting him as he. So why are you SOOOO angry about him???? Can’t you see that the same issues that make you mad toward your exH are basically the same issues that get you upset with these other men? Great sex with them or poor sex with your exH have NOTHING to do with it.
There's this terrible calculation that goes on in my head that goes something like: I feel loved when I get physical touch (sexual or affectionate). Men want to physically touch me when I look attractive. I look attractive when I spend $50 on a good bra and spend an hour I could be working primping for a date.
Why in the world, with all the discussion that has gone on this board and all the reading you have done, do you still base your sense of self on the acceptance or rejection of your sexuality by men? The more you try to get men to like you sexually, the more they will disrespect you. You have trapped yourself into your own negative self-reinforcing cycle, one that can be very destructive and to which I can see no positive solution.
I mentioned a long time ago that you were trying to find yourself, and I think you are still on that path. No man, no matter how considerate, caring, loving, sexually compatible, wealthy, etc., is going to be able to do this for you. The very fact that you would even consider finding such an answer though someone else is still a form of avoidance and not assuming your own responsibility and power. Even such things as blaming yourself or calling yourself a moron are ways of avoidance.
That guy told you exactly where he stood with women and exactly what he wants. He can make decisions and stand by them or he never would have become successful. My money says that he told you what he needed to say to get you to come see him so he could make his own evaluation, plus have a good time to boot. For whatever reason you did not fit his ideal. So what? Do you really think there is some guy out there who is really going to fall head over heels in love with you and worship the ground you walk on?
I’m not trying to be mean, but you really need to get a reality check. The only way I see you doing that is to get to the heart of that “terrible calculation” that goes on in your head and reprogram the circuit that says you only feel love when you feel touched. THAT is where your problem lies, not with the men you are dating. That was your half of your problem in your marriage too (we all know your exH had his own boatload of issues). Address the childhood sexual molestation/abuse issue and lay that demon to rest once and for all. Once you can find peace there, I think you will find peace and love elsewhere. My 2 cents.
