Would Like Some Advice 3

[chocolateeyes]

If it were me (and I do have a D20, and a D18), I would "send a guy."

And I don't think he'd be causing my daughter any more problems.

- Choc.

[Sara]

Hate to say it, but this is your daughter's problem. You can say he can't come to your house anymore, but unless she stops seeing this guy, you are just getting beat up for nothing. The ball is in her court to get a restraining order and not speak to or see him again. You can't protect her from herself. The fact that there will be a baby is going to make no contact with him very difficult. How does she plan to handle that.

And yes, without a doubt, moving out will affect you in a custody hearing.

[light switch]

Well here's what i did today.

Had a talk with d20 and w about d20 problems. basicly encouraging d20 that she is better than this and to do what's best for her and gs. some things she said were like she understood and others felt like they would be together in a week. I told her if she wants to go to crises center i would go with for support, she didnt want to go alone last time then decided not to go.

wife still ran me down about not caring about d20 enough to talk to xbf. I went to talk to him the night before this happened but couldnt cause d20 was there.

I brewed about this whole sitch and went to xbf and said - This is something i should have done a long time ago. Im tired of u hurting my d20 this is the last straw, If u ever hurt her or bother her i will hunt u down and u wont like it. I was in his face, his head was down and he wouldnt look at me. His responce was i'll leave her alone, she beats me up, she broke my phone. I just laughed to myself and walked away.
I was really hoping he would do something so i could 'defend myself'.

I told wife thank you cause i felt pretty good after this. I do realize its my daughters decision to make but stepped in for her and gs's safety.

A comment i made to my wife today was - do you realize why some of the things u said and did last night would hurt me? she said yes. and i left it at that.

I went in kitchen to help with supper a little. wife and i had an ok light talk about day to day things. I was supprised she talked at all considering how she has been lately and that she is going to see om on the 13th. Twards the end of our convo she said she wanted to have some seperation papers drawn up. I agreed. She said she didnt expect that. I said legaly or only by us. she didnt care or know (dont remember). I feel like im hiding something by not telling her i have a l appointment wed.
SHOULD I TELL HER?
My reasons for going to l are to find out if moving out hurts in custody later. Does legal seperation then moving out correct that? Does Legal seperation split up bills and make her accountable to whatever is assigned to her? Things like that.

I love my wife and want nothing more than to continue life with her, just in a better way than we were doing it.

Light Switch

[Yoyowife]

LS,
I don't think you should tell her. You are doing this to know your legal rights. You aren't trying to be deceitful or trying to cheat her out of anything. I think sometimes we get to caught up worrying about their feelings. I don't mean to sound whiny, but did they consult us when they changed our lives by becoming involved with OP? IMHO I think it is best to be informed before we agree to something that we may regret later.

[Yoyowife]

LS,
Another suggestion I have for you is to write out all of your questions prior to meeting with attorney. That way you will have plenty of time to think about what you need to know and won't get in there and forget everything. Perhaps you can have a copy for the attorney and one for you to write the answers down on. I think by not telling her that you are going to the attorney you will have time to digest everything you were told and decide how you want to handle the situation. When you do talk to your wife you will be calmer and much more informed about your rights. You can share with her then that you visited with attorney if you feel like it.

[light switch]

Thanks yoyo,

That is what i was going to do with l, accept didnt think of making a copy.

thanks again
Light switch

[Dr LOve]

Lt Switch,

Just read some of your sitch. THIS IS INSANE... My W has NEVER talked or made referance to OM in front of me.... I totaly would go balistic..... And to hand me the phone to talk to the OM about MY DAUGHER...<<<<<<WTF>>>>>>...
You are much stronger than I my friend..... the only thing I can tel ya is Try not to make it about you..... Don't think she is talking to Om to upset you. this is hard. you need to take on the though process of "what ever"......Hope this helps buddy..remeber that when she said something and you take it personaly It changes your whole PMA. this changes her PMA and it becomes a circle of bad / sad feelings..

Dr H

[light switch]

Well here's an update,

Since last weekend i've stopped texting w. stopped complementing her. trying to be more distant to her. I don't know if she means to but she seems all high and mighty, everything she says is right.

I saw a L on wed. She says to absolutly stay in house. They dont reccomend legal sep. They say to initialize d. Just dont finalize it. I said i really didnt want to be the one to start it. I told her my w's plan to take tax return and camper $ and split it with me moved out. She agreed thats only maybe 6 month fix then we are back to not affording bills.

I think my first step is seperate finances.

My second may be when my w returns from nc visiting om over valentines day. I may start d.

L reccomended documenting time w spends with kids. This seams wrong, I feel like i have to do it to have a chance with my kids.

L said we have to do whats right for kids. I agree. W is a great mom when she isnt an alien. I am also a great father. We have always made the kids happy and comfortable.

I want joint custody, equal time. L says courts wont award that, that has to be agreed between us. W has already said no to that and got mad that i even asked.

Went ice fishing wed night, I got there before bil and turned on radio. I heard the music and said no. The first words i heard on the radio were 'We dont get fooled again'. made me think of dr. luv and all my db friends. I stayed fishing till 10:00. W called on the way home and asked if i was still fishing i said on my way home. She commented that bil got home earlier. So now she is keeping track of me?

before i went fishing w was on couch and had a ripped paper bag writing on it. i asked whats that. no response. i didnt ask again cause i new it had to do with om. today i was taking out garbage and behind garbage was a printout of a poem something to do with finding the key to her heart. That really hurt. I thought of leaving it out then i asked myself if it will help my m. I did find a card from v day that goes on flowers from last year in the drawer, I did leave that out. That was before any of this om stuff started.

my plans for this weekend are to take ice house to a different spot on river after work. d12 and s8 arent sure if they are going tomarrow. Fish a little tomarrow night. Then a local bar is having a fishing tournament on river sat. bil and brother are going with me. Guys from work are bringing bbq grill. I plan on having fun maybe some beverages, ok alot of beverages. As long as i have someone to drive after. Maybe i should call w to get me. I picked her and gf up on new years night.

[light switch]

wanted to add:
w calls that d12 broke glasses at school today and asked if i could go look at them. I so wanted to say could i speek with om so i can see if i should. ALIENS!

A screw fell out and i got it fixed over my lunch break.

light switch

[light switch]

Hello Friends,

Havnt been on the board lately, not sleeping well, trying to divide up my time with everyone and stay sane!
Went to doc yesterday about not sleeping, told my sitch and he perscribed a sleeping pill. My c said that over the counter ones leave you groggy. It worked last night.
Just got done at about 10:00 watching movie with d12 and s8.

Right now my w is with om half way across country, om bought her a ticket. She left tuesday and is returning monday. I am absolutly stressing when im not busy doing something!

I believe i'm getting a more clear picture on what im going to do.
1. I am staying in our house.
2. I am going to fig out seperate finances
3. I am considering filing for d when w returns.
(w has said she will fight for custody and doesnt agree with joint)
(my l said courts wont grant joint unless agreed upon)
(my w wants me out of house, to fig this out)
(i havnt told her im not moving out, avoiding that conversation)
(i think if i want joint c i will have to start by asking for full)This will make things very difficult between us

I think im to that point. If she is still committed to om, then have him. Im tired of stressing over all this.

I know who i am and what life i want, this is not it.
How can a person hate someone and love them even more?

Now to my mean side. I was serously considering and now regret not sending my w flowers on vd to om's house (i had to see his frickin flowers on w's bday). I also was considering having sues put some kind of card or gift on my w's car at the MN airport parking lot so she would find it when she returns monday. That would be considered persuing so i was thinking of some kind of flyer about the importance of family (guilt trip). Just my thoughts, as demented as they are.

I plan on catching up on threads this weekend.

light switch