MLC BS/2?

[Punktmann]

Patrick, I've been watching your threads, I've BTDT in your sitch. Almost to the T, OM, everything.

My sitch dragged out a lot longer, but we're in much the same place. Sorry to see you here.


But this D business is going to get ugly, I can tell. She is trying to take me to the cleaners and I want to get primary custody.

Check, that's exactly where I am at right now. It's going to get ugly.

Take a breather about the cleaners. Just take a minute and relax. It will be what it will be according to the guidelines of your state's laws.

PERIOD.

In almost all states, that is very much like 50/50. In the few where it isn't, it is only sometimes predicated on adultery. Let your atty handle that and FORGET ABOUT IT.

Your stress levels will be way too high worrying about what you have no control over. A judge will decide it one way or the other. Not your problem. Forget it.

As to full or primary custody, again, many states mandate shared custody barring child abuse or drug addicts. Tell your atty what you want, and ask him what he needs to have to win that for you. He wil know your state's laws and the things that matter in your county in that respect. If he doesn't, find a different atty.

I don't want to be a killjoy, but barring severely bad behavior on her part, (drug use, child abuse, abandonement,) it is unlikely that a judge will award full custody to the father in most states. Shared custody is often all we are going to get, it's time to deal with reality, not what is "right."


Besides it not being fair to me to lose my kids on top of losing my W, I am the better parent. I will have to convince a judge, though.

CHECK, Right with you man!

Like you, I feel that her leaving shouldn't deprive me of my time with my kids, but we are going to lose some of it, up to half or more, depending on the state. We need to take a step back and evaluate this. It's not right, but most likely, we won't get full custody.

I know what you mean about the better parent thing. I'm right there with you.

In court, it's not about that.

It's about the kids being with both parents AMAP, unless there is a HUGE reason for them not to.

Convincing a judge that you should get full custody (if she is fighting it,) can be done, but you need a lot to get there. Arrests, Recorded incidents of really nasty behavior, etc.

I know, I'm a killjoy. Sorry, I just want to give you a clear picture.

Talk to your atty about this, s/he will tell you the state laws, and what you can reasonably expect.



I am waiting to hear back from the attorney...she filed for a 10 day extension....

STOP.

That's good news not bad. You wanted to aske her to stop it before, now she is dragging her feet.

Most likely, she isn't stopping this, just re-evaluating what is going on. This is a good sign. She may very well go forward, so what.


THe important thing is that the extension is a sign that she was acting out of anger before, with no planning or thought for the future. Some things are coming up that made her slow down.

There will come a time when she does think about this in the big picture sense. It won't be soon, and if you're like me, it probably won't be until long after the D.

It will happen though.

The question is, will you still be there, will you be ready?

This is a long road.


I am beginning to hate her ffro doing this and for splitting up our family...I am feelinglike i could never forgive her for this R....I am thinking of just throwing in the towel

I know.

Trust me, many here know.

I am in that EXACT place.

I am pondering dating again...I need to have somebody else to think about, care about, care about me....Who knows maybe the feeling will subside.

OK, I am right there with you on this. It would be soooo nice to have someone around who is nice to you, who cares about you......

The thing is this.... Neither you or I are probably ready to move on to another R with someone else. Talk about damaged goods!

Why throw in the towel when they are doing it for us?

This is a time when they are "done with us," we don't have to be in a rush to be done with them, if this is for real with them, they will do it for us.

If that is the case, if they are truly done, then there will come a time when closure will make you ready to move on.

For right now, we are in a crappy sitch. Finding another woman will not make it better.

Is the type of woman who would date you while you are still married and in this drama-laden, custody battling, half-way sitch the type of woman who you would want to spend the rest of your life with?


Or is that type of woman more like the OM?


There are manlier band-aids than that out there.


Best.


Punk