My heart breaks...

[Heartbroken]

LO,

Have a happy VD!!! I know how you are hurting but you have many out here that support you and truly care for your welfare! Stay strong!

HB

[mcojh]

HB- VD means something differant to me.

Happy Valentines Day all you DB Hotties!!!!!!

[NoCodeBlues]

Happy Valentines, Olive, and to all.

[runningoutoftime]

HB- VD means something differant to me.

Happy Valentines Day all you DB Hotties!!!!!!

Ooooh I didn't even see that double entendre! Good one!!!

[lovelyolive]

Thanks for the VD (Valentine's Day not the other, MC) greetings everyone

Well... I'm glad THAT day is over. First time in 12 years I didn't get flowers from H. I didn't expect them and yet.. I "expected them" - if you know what I mean. I think he felt guilty, though, because he made dinner, cleaned up, and plopped a glass of wine in front of me when I got home... So, at least I didn't have to lift a finger.

Weird conversation then happened... Nothing different - we are still d'ing - except that H is finally realizing and accepting the fact that two people are responsible for the demise of our marriage. It wasn't just my fault.. even in the beginning, he now sees how he would discount my feelings... The good thing is that I feel less crazy because he is finally beginning to understand where I was coming from.

[runningoutoftime]

In a way I think it's kind of nice he didn't bring you flowers. The year my H filed for D he had told me in late January/early February that the marriage was definitely over and he was filing for D. Then on Valentine's Day he brought me flowers (just to be nice... so I'd have something...) and a card that did have a nice sentiment and he wrote, something like he'd always love me. Quite honestly, this only made detaching and believing in the D much more difficult. Because, why on earth would he do this? I did expect the act of him bringing me something for Valentine's and the sentiment in the card to have at least some meaning. But he later explained, "I'm sorry if I misled you." In other words, he still wanted to D me and nothing was going to change that.

So I threw the card away. It carried no meaning that year. He did it out of pity. Cleaning the house and having dinner when you got home.... that seems much more honest.

[mcojh]

ROOT-
This may sound wierd, but until I read this post, I thought you were MR Root, not MS Root.

I gotta read more carefully.

The reason your H did that was it was out of rote memory. Your H was so used and trained to do that, he just continued to feel it was the thing to do.

Just my 2 cents.

[lovelyolive]

Your H was so used and trained to do that, he just continued to feel it was the thing to do.

You mean they can be trained to do stuff like bring home flowers, etc?

[mcojh]

Yup. If a pderson believes that a certain behavior is what is expected and it is a behavior that they do repeatedly, then it will continue, unconsciously.

If your H did something every morning for instance before leaving for work, it is such an ingrained behavior that it continues even without thought.

So yes, we can be trained.

[lovelyolive]

Hmmm.. I'll have to think about that some more...