SPM, I have missed you, your insight, and caring, my friend. I'm going to reply to your unfortunate situation when I am free tomorrow.
Kerry, Wooglint, and monkey, thank you for chiming in. I really appreciate your wisdom.
I know exactly why I said how I felt about the former sitter/college student coming over -- I wanted W to know I wasn't having her there to fool around with. I didn't want her getting jealous and thinking about me w/ women in the house. I guess I just need to not care if she is jealous as long as my motives are pure.
I totally understand about what you are saying. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but for me to be able to detach in the right way, I can't say anything that remotely brings up our marriage at any time. Correct?
I didn't think of the babysitter comment as pressure, but once you point it out to me, I do. I also didn't think about what I said to the MIL because it came in the middle of our conversation and we were both emotional. I guess I let my guard down a bit.
Ok, I'll make sure to edit everything prior to sending it. If I'm unsure at any point, I'll not hit send.
On the subject of the police, I'm glad you said something, SPM, because it made me uneasy. I'm glad they didn't show up. However, in a way, it was a bit of a 180 because she didn't expect it from me. I know it also made her angry, but it was something different. Now I have to work on the something different being far more positive interactions.
I'm slowly starting to emerge from the haze and fog and realizing I'm in control of what my L does. This is ne and odd for me to be sure, but I can see where we can talk and not cross the legal lines.
Speaking of which, I'm also going to give my W some more of the items she asked to have for her apartment. I'm going to give them to her and tell her that I want her to have them for her and D regardless of what the L says.
To that extent, I did send her an e-mail yesterday addressing her financial concerns and her closing of our accounts. I began the e-mail telling her I wasn't ccing my L on it as I just wanted this to be an opportunity for us to communicate. I said she can choose to send it to her L if she wished, but I'm not including mine on the e-mail.
I simply said I was sorry she was stressed by the financial situation and I do wish we could have discussed things before she decided to close the accounts. I offered to pay 1/2 of anything that clears the account after it was closed as she should not be stuck with this tab.
I also mentioned the fact it was unfortunated she was confused about the credit situation because it caused her stress and that I had never had other accounts open that she was not aware of. I made sure she knew I had received a check for the work expenses on the credit card and that I would pick up my personal tab of roughly $200 from when I was in D.C. in January.
I kept it with this and asked her a few questions about her car insurance payment that is due on Tuesday and left it at that. I'm hoping this can be the start of some cordial exchanges between us and help to rebuild our relationship and provide me with chances to DB.
She did e-mail me back today saying she was glad D was having fun and thanked me for having her call last night. I'm going to have her call again tonight and I'm also going to call for her every night before she goes to bed. SPM is exactly right on this one--I need to contact her daily if I can't see her daily.
Ok, that is it for now, I guess. I'll let you know more as I get it. Thanks for the detaching info and I'm hoping my definition of what I need to do was correct. I think I've been a bit confused as to what thorough detaching is up to this point.
Kerry - I'm going to use the mantra to my advantage and to help create an independent mindset. Thank you.
