Confusion of a WAW (Thread 7)

You know Brit, I talked to my W's best friend this morning and she said the same thing - she thinks my W just needs to live her life on her own for a while. You and I are in the same damned if you do, damn if you dont situation. They need our help at times, but if we give them too much help, they think we are expecting something in return. Of course we are - we want nothing more than for our W's to love us as we love them.

I'd probably go on from there and say that both W and I need to live on our own for a while. I don't think either of us have argued that point at all in the last few months. She doesn't get that when I suggest I want us back together, I don't mean tomorrow or next week. She is obviously living in a big black hole right now, so I wouldn't even think of putting 'our' needs ahead of her own. I think I've lost track of how many times I've told her that there would be no point in she and I trying again unless she was content with herself and happy again. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a wall.

I believe that my W still loves me - We tell each other ILY almost every time we are together (she's pretty comfortable not responding, or saying 'I know' if she doesn't want to). I think that is a big part of her conflict - She can't let go of me any more than I can let go of her.

It is so very hard to detach when there are children that you share together. I dont know what else to tell you other than to continue to be the best dad and all the other pieces should fall in place eventually.

Yeah - I'm pretty happy I have D this weekend, because I really don't think W can handle it. I don't think she can handle all that much right now.

I wonder if your graph might show something that happens intensely every 29-30 days?

My W always gets pretty down around that time, which is now, but the overall behavior pattern doesn't fit with that. The last time she was very withdrawn from me was the last half of December and into New Year. Even this week she was in a great mood and we were having fun together. Now, she's down in the doldrums and not really doing much of anything at all.