H4C, I'm sorry to hear you are on the rollercoaster again. I've ridden it way too many times. We have attempted reconciliation so many times and then my hopes were dashed. I've come to realize while the OP is still within their reach, headway will not be made. It's like an addiction that they seem to be kicking and then all of sudden they give into their cravings again. All we can do at this point is to carry on the best we can with our lives and watch out for ourselves as well as our children. Remember lovingly detach...
Stay strong and continue to do what you have been doing, which means you aren't pursuing. Use your instincts. You have done well with them.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
