Of the eligible men over a certain age, let’s say 45, I’m willing to bet that 95% of them are f*cked up in one way or another and not entirely suitable as a “healthy” partner. Of these men, I think the majority are divorced and the minority are life-long bachelors. Of the divorcees, only a small portion have been to counseling and even fewer have much anything of that counseling. Most of those who had done any personal work have only done enough to get by, to make whatever relationship they are in barely workable (although that barely workable state may be enough to make both people relatively happy).
At this age, all those men are going to want validation of one form or another from a woman. They’re generally too old to change their spots, and why should they? So it comes as no surprise to me that they want a woman to play the role that Dr. Laura advocates. Anything else will not be validating to them, possibly even a little threatening to them, and therefore a freak.
What I am saying to Mojo is that she should not be too hard on herself because of the way these men react. I don’t think they are nearly as self aware as they would like to think. How can they be? But that is not really the issue, is it? The world is full of problems and it is up to each of us to learn to deal with them, right?
Mojo, you still have tender spots, or hot buttons, from your FOO, your exH, whatever. Getting upset with these new men for pushing your hot button is only half the problem, IMO. The other half is to heal the soft spot so that pushing the button does not bother you too much. That is why I said your exH was the best chance for you to work through your issues. These other men are not going to have the patience to do that. They’ll just go find someone else better suited to their fantasy, like they’ve been doing for the last 15-20 years.
From what I see, the population of men that you are dealing with is going to involve a certain amount of button pushing, whether you like it or not. They are going to do it. The only other way I can see around this is to keep searching for that 5% who has done the hard work to become more functional. So 5 out of 100, or 1 out 20 means you’ve only got another 15 or so dates to go before the odds work out for you…. unless my 95% estimate is all wrong.
Also, I never thought sexual compatibility was the issue between you and your ex. In fact, I recall you saying there were times when you two had good sex. It was all the other crap that got in the way that prevented the good sex from occurring as often as you liked.
