Well, seems like she wants to go be quiet for a while. Maybe that's a good thing - I'm not detached at all. Today sucks so badly. I have no idea if this is all in a response to what happened last night, or if there is more to it. She really didn't seem like her usual self last night, but I guess the discussion just added to the stress.
So, I guess if this thing has phases, then this is 'withdrawl'. I'm going to guess, based on history, that she'll warm up to me in the next week or two, but we'll see. I have D all weekend and Monday all day, so it's going to be a long few days. We were talking earlier this week about going to the zoo together sometime (it's all indoors), but I doubt that is going to happen anymore.
That said, I don't know if she is still dealing with OM feelings and all of that - I'm sure there is a ton of stuff going on that I don't know about that is adding to her anxiety and stress.
(4:15:09 PM) M: did you want to spend some time with D? (4:15:52 PM) Jessica: my parents are coming over at about 12:30 tomorrow, so if you can bring her by that would be good (4:16:08 PM) M: ok (4:16:14 PM) M: you're still really mad at me, aren't you? (4:16:28 PM) W: I need time on my own (4:17:41 PM) W: it's not a matter of being mad, I just feel that you are not respecting my wishes at all (4:17:59 PM) M: I do respect you (4:18:11 PM) M: I want to do for you whatever it is that you need (4:18:57 PM) M: I'm sorry that you don't feel comfortable spending time with me (4:19:23 PM) M: I never wanted to make you unhappy (4:22:53 PM) W: you made a lot of poor decisions, and I made a lot of mistakes in dealing with it (4:23:02 PM) M: I know I did (4:23:08 PM) M: I am not at all proud of anything that I have done (4:23:23 PM) W: I know (4:24:17 PM) W: I forgive you for it, but I can't forget about it (4:24:39 PM) M: I appreciate your forgiveness (4:24:45 PM) M: and I don't expect you to forget (4:27:09 PM) W: I am trying to respect you and I'm trying to be compassionate (4:28:20 PM) W: but you are trying to act as if nothing has ever happened, that things are like they were (4:28:22 PM) W: and they're not (4:28:40 PM) M: I know they're not (4:29:29 PM) M: I thought you wanted us to spend some time together with D and help each other out with our houses (4:30:05 PM) W: I do, but I'm starting to get the feeling that you are interpreting that as meaning that I want to get back together (4:30:44 PM) M: no, I took it as you and I being friends (4:30:47 PM) M: and taking care of D (4:31:20 PM) W: that was my intention (4:31:43 PM) W: but I'm not so sure if friendship is possible when one person is wanting more than the other (4:32:08 PM) M: I respect that you don't want more (4:32:28 PM) M: I don't want more right now (4:32:41 PM) M: I want to get myself settled at home and all of that stuff (4:32:45 PM) M: and I want to help you do the same (4:33:05 PM) W: then please stop kissing me and stuff (4:33:24 PM) W: and please respect that I need my space, and that I need to live my life on my own (4:33:36 PM) M: I understand (4:33:53 PM) W: ok, I'm going to head out
I swear if I made a little graph of our interactions every day, over the last 6 months there would be an obvious pattern to it. I guess that's why it's called a roller coaster.
