Worried I found DB too late

[houndfan]

So, I tried to catch up quick on your sitch I think that I have it all, but I may not.

Search my stuff and you will see some things that are similar and some different. Mostly you will see that I was a complete ass and my W had every right to walk away from our marriage. But in the end we are back together and both working really hard. I digress....

First it is never too late!

I see so many positives in your posts, many very similar to my sitch just before we ended the S. So, here is my typically response/advice to everyone on this board which helped me so much:

1) Accept the worst! Really accept the worst sitch that can happen. What is it? Is it a D what ever it is come to a place of acceptance that it may happen. Don't pull any BS like it might happen but I want X to happen. You really have ot dig deep and come to a point that you accept that you may be Divorced at some point soon. Cry it out, yell scream whatever but accept it NOW!!!

2) Once you have accepted, release control of your husbands actions. You can not control him or his actions only your reactions. I am a strong believer thanks to Dom that going dark is very dangerous. But, it is ok to be selective in what you share. For example have dinner with him if asked, but don't talk about family stuff unless he wants to. Let him reach out to you for everything kid stuff, work, money everything. If you need his input on something, just make a decision and apologize later. Do Not push!!!

3) Everyone will tell you to GAL. But I think that you need to do something that you are passionate about. Don't GAL just for the exercise of doing it because there is limited benefit to that approach. What are you passionate about (other than your H). I started working out and playing sports again like I did in college. My W took notice but never really said anything until recently that she could see my passion and approach about that but she could tell I was faking some of the other GAL stuff.

4) Lastly for now - it's never over!!!!!!! Contradicts what I said earlier about acceptance I know, but really it is never really over when you have kiddos and so much else involved.

I will drop by from time to time to lend my fractured 2 cents, but good luck!