Sorry to hear of your sitch...been reading and following your thread. I really appreciate your support and kind words. This is a unique kind of painful / confusing / emotional upside-down kind of place that we are all struggling through. I know each person's situation is different and yet I am struck by how the feelings are very similar for many of us.
Applause!!! Great action-oriented steps! I also thank all of your supporters.
In my opinion, "Time is on our side" means:
*(1) Even if divorce papers are served, or if a separation occurs, there is time to reconcile with spouse. Michele's success stories are living proof. She mentions these success stories in her book, and on this site. (2) Goals are attainable, in time. (3) You cannot build a brand-new mansion in a day. Therefore, be grateful for baby steps. (i.e. Your W's one-line, e-mail today.) (4) Circumstances are subject to change. (5) The past is a learning experience. The present is an opportunity for a brighter future. (6) Attitude is everything. If you have the will, and the belief, you can achieve.
Thanks Tia and hi Purr...I know you say be patient and time is on your side, but its just SO hard to believe though, when you get such little in the way of encouragement, and the person is adamant its over and shows no sign of regret?? I will continue to take the long view, but like i said, its hard. What do you mean by "action-oriented steps" Tia? But you are doing great Purr! Ali _______________ Me: 36 H: 34 LT: 9 years ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07 Own apartment: 26 Jan 08 3 months on
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
Why do you need encouragement from him? I know it's damn hard, but what has helped me is to quit focusing on the spouse and concentrate on me. Don't expect encouragement...you won't get it.
Purr, you are doing great. I wish I had learned and adapted as quick as you.
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Bombadier...how do you keep going though in the face of no encouragement, if the situation seems bleak!? I do try to focus on me, I'm still struggling with basically missing him though, as he moved out in November and before then we were together every day. But I wait, I hope, I am standing.
I concur with Bomb Purr,I wish I'd learnt that quick too! You should be proud of your efforts so far and great that you are in MC together. And you're right, it is such a painful and confusing place we all find ourselves in.
Woke up this morning with the thought "Its over" on my brain. Think it finally hit home.
So feeling today like he has gone forever. I've struggled with moving on, but I guess I have no choice now.
I just wish he had come to MC with me. Purr, its so great that your W agreed to this and I really hope that something positive comes of it for you. Hows things today?
Ali ______________ Me: 36 H: 34 LT: 9 years ILYBINILWY: 2 Nov 07 Own apartment: 26 Jan 08 no change
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
You're going to be on this nasty emotional rollercoaster for awhile...but the ride smooths out eventually. You won't always feel like this. One day at a time...
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Find someone nice to hang with. I also stopped drinking completely which really helped me. Drinking made me think so much. Get a hug from anyone you can. Be nice to everyone you see, it makes you feel great. You will be better soon.
I struggle a lot with this...I think: would it really be that hard for the WAS to give SOME indication of hopefulness in this whole thing?? It's hard to accept that I have to really be aware of my expectations and keeping them pretty low. I got myself really into a knot this week with feeling upset about very brief / cool email responses from WAS--not even necessarily cold, but just...impersonal in a way. (you know what I mean, you wrote about this experience on your thread! : )) I find the brevity makes the email seem like it's been written in 5 seconds...and from there I feel / interpret that I am so peripheral and insignificant to the W's world. Like I am only worth 5 seconds!! I spend more time/care/words writing to acquaintances than in what I sometimes get from her.
