ok, I just figured out what's wrong with me, it's "one of those times" no, not that time of the month, it's one of those "crashing of the waves-hitting rock bottom" kind of things where I feel all emotional and weepy.
H just called from a payphone, told me that yesterday he called his mom to ask her about her V-day and then he tried calling me a few times (of course, when I was in the shower) and hit the machine, thought I didnt' want to talk to him and hanged up. ARGGGH! im that far gone, Im so mad for being in the shower and missing his calls, I really wanted to hear from him yesterday, specially yesterday. I broke down and told him about our sitter passing away, how awful I felt and how much of a crappy day I had yesterday--he didn't say much in reply, well, he did say he wasn't feeling well either and had decided to go to see the C his dept. provides and hoped it didnt' get him in trouble.
I am so needy right now it scares me, we talked about meeting monday since I'm off, first he said he wasn't sure he'd be a fun person to be around, then he said we'd meet and I asked him again at the end of the convo if he we were meeting and he said most likely yes but he'd call me Sunday to confirm.
ARGHHH I HATE being needy, hate it hate it! I was glad I was talking to him, I was hoping these days with no contact would help me give him some distance and also help me but the lack of contact is just making me feel so crappy. I prob sounded needy too and he prob won't come on Monday.
It's friday and I'm dreading the weekend, I am trying to make plans so I won't be alone but it just doesn't feel good, it's even a 3day weekend for me but now it's even worse for me, 3 days off and I may not see H at all. (disclaimer: it's "needy" talking here, deep inside I know better, just feeling down right now).
Going to church tomorrow, that always helps, going to see Disney on Ice with little d on sunday and perhaps we'll hit the museums or something while we are at it, yes, then I'll go see my family or go to the mall to Frederick's of Hollywood and buy me another silky nightgown like the one I got last time.. not in hopes to wear it for H but just because it is so comfy and cute at the same time.
blah blah blah.... am not expecting anyone to read all these mad woman ramblings, i'm sure I'll be ashamed of myself pretty soon about my posts, lol, just needed to let it out
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
