there have been moments of sanity and clarity. Moments where it appears the truth and reality of what they have done sinks in, even temporarily. These seem to happen when I am welcoming, non-judgmental, supportive.
And then there are the moments of madness.
I want to elaborate on that a little. Ten days ago, my W and I were exchanging messages regularly and steadily, conducting the business of parenting and divorcing. On the parenting side - when will I see the kids, where will I pick them up, which one is sick, which one has a girl scout's meeting, what's the status of their homework, and so on. On the divorcing side - we need to sell the house, we need to settle the credit card debt, we need budgets, we need a temporary parenting plan (custody arrangement).
At that moment she shared with me some of her frustration in the process - it was stressful, she wasn't sleeping well, she had worries about where she would live, what school the kids would go to, what job she would get, and so on. I empathized. I expressed concern for her. I also said, "I know this is what you want, and we'll get through it." Later I sent her a text message, not asking "did you sleep well?" which would directly ask for a reply from her (hence pressure) but instead saying "I hope you slept well. 4 hours is not enough!" allowing her to not reply if she desired.
She later - much later - replied to me that she appreciated my concern for her.
So they do open up, if you are very very gentle.
At the same time we had a situation on our hands where my W was rationing my access to my children. I expressed frustration to her about this, and she reacted VERY VERY negatively, filing a petition for protection, and asking that the court bar me from EVER seeing my children again. This is the madness part.
You can see the severe contrast - these things happened in the same day. The same 24 hour period.
It's just wacky.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
