CONTACTING OW/OW'S HUSBAND

[saffie]

I was the last to know out of the two couples involved in my sitch. I made sure the whole world and his W knew what was going on in my M when I was told by my H. OW's H was pathetic and couldn't find his way out of a paper bag let alone fight for his M - he just went to pieces and enabled her to set up a love nest with my H that his W paid for even though my H was the CEO of the Co he and OW worked for, and eraned many times her salary.

Not only did it bring my H back to me, I have no doubt it saved my M

HOWEVER, I did this for several reasons.The principal one was my H erroneously thought I no longer loved him; the strength of my emotion showed him I did. It also scared OW off. The A had been going on for 18 months when I was told about it by my H. I had already sort of DBusted without knowing that an A was going on. I knew my M was in trouble and I was making changes to myself in order to try and get on with my H better. Having said that, I honestly believe if I had been calm and waited for him to 'decide' what he wanted my H would have just cake eaten. Who doesn't fancy two people fighting over them - what an ego trip.

If the reasons seem to indicate it go for the confrontation with the OP's S. But be very aware all control is lost and the wreckage could fall in any direction. Perhaps I was lucky; no-one can tell me whether it was luck or good judgement, but personally, living with secrets sticks in my throat.

If you confront, do it with intelligence and skill, NOT just pure anger. Have boundaries and be prepared to stick to them. I did and I was lucky enough to have a good professional team to back me up of therapists and a psychiatrist - and yes I needed him. It was nasty and I did try to kill myself. We had a week of hell but I must say I would rather have that than the months / years of torture I see some of the great people on these boards go through.

Think it through though - don't act rashly - use the 48hr rule.

Whatever decision you take it doesn't matter a fig what anyone on here has said - YOU have to live with the outcome.

OW won't give a fig about you - contacting her will just make her powerful and let her know she's got to you. Contacting OW's H will enable him to fight for his own M which may help you but NEVER make the mistake of thinking he is your friend - he will have his own agenda and whilst sometimes it might suit him to be on the same page as you, as soon as he needs to do something else to save his own M he will do it even if it means stabbing you in the back in all likelyhood.