Tough issue. I am really careful about what I even try to talk about in the R talks because it has been my experience that they are only effective at me getting something off my chest. In the end, no matter how much my wife agrees with me and commits to act, things don't change as a result of the talks. The tough thing is that if we don't have them once in a while, I build up too much resentment and it tends to come out in a different way than attended, so I do think there is a value in pressure relief, if nothing else.
To your immediate question, I struggle in how to get the talks started and build up a lot of anxiety knowing that she will be defensive. It helps me to have some responses ready to move us past the first minute and once we get talking, we are usually ok. For example, my wife likes to immediately change the subject to something about me that she "has been meaning to bring up" and frequently that succeeds in putting me on the defensive and sucking me into that discussion. I have had some success in saying, "so XYZ is bugging you? I would be happy to talk about that next, but first let's talk about why I get rejected every time I bring up sex and what that is doing to our relationship..."
PF...who is trying to block the emotional tampon reference out of his mind.
Last edited by Packerfan; 02/15/0807:47 PM.
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
