Hang in there girl. You know full well if you allow him to move home right now you will be the reason the cycle continues. You don't want to do that to yourself or your kids.
As you insist that he do the work this time around don't take care of the details for him. Give him the name of the counselor. He knows how to look up a number and make a call. You can't just shake him and all will be well. This has to be HIS deal. If you do the work for him, he learns nothing. It is supposed to be hard work for him.
Maybe you don't feel the same about him. It happens. Your goal is to be the best Kissak you can be and to take care of those kidlets. There is no right or wrong about the way your are feeling. Allow yourself to feel what you feel.
How's it going in the shop today? Crazy yet?
Be good to yourself. You are doing an amazing job this time around. Keep it up.
and don't forget to breathe.
~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
Kissak...I had some of those feelings...and yes, H is not exactly the same but I do love who he is now...the differences are not the major aspects of his personality... I am different too...
I will tell you if you thought this was hard...piecing is harder...gather your strength now...you will need it down the road...
The shop hasnt gotten that crazy yet swl....but tomorrow and Thursday will be crazy for sure!!!
Take Care....back to work!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Well, Its late....I was asleep, after a long day at work....V-day, so glad it is over!! Im so glad it only comes once a year.
Im up because my H called me....it is after midnight here. He was drunk. I knew something was wrong earlier tonight at TKD. He had given me a valentines day card. I wasnt expecting one, but it was a nice one. Not a wife card, but it said something about being a special person to him always. He seemed a little off. I asked if anything was wrong, he said that the exOW had hurt his feelings and he really didnt want to talk about it, I let it go. I was glad that he had given me the card.
Anyway, He called me. Actually he texted me about an hour before saying "you must be asleep" I didnt answer, yes, I was asleep. But when he called I answered. I dont have caller id on my house phone, so I werent sure who it was.
Well, he was drunk and said he had driven to the store drunk! I am so concerned about him. He told me that he didnt know why he was calling me or even telling me this, but the Ow had gone on a date tonight with a man that he had suspected she had been talking to while they were together. I really didnt say much, but I told him that I would listen to him and that I understood that his feelings were hurt. I also told him that he could not expect her to sit home alone. He said he didnt, but he was hurt she went out with this particular guy.
I didnt offer much consulation, but I did offer my ear. I told him good night, I also told him that the kids loved him and that I cared about him and that he should go to bed.
Im sorry, but I was not going to hang up on him. I listen to a friend who was hurting and maybe I shouldnt have, but I love him and I worry about him. I told him that getting drunk was not going to help things.
I am glad however that the OW is trying to move forward with her life. She had told my H's friends that she felt like my H was holding her from moving forward in her life. That he was stuck in the past...with me. Hopefully my prayers have been answered by her finding someone who can finally make her happy.....and not my H. He still has a long way to go. I know that we could never begin to heal until he gets help and he gets over her.
Im going to try to go back to bed....I just had to get this out of my mind so I could try to get some sleep. It has been a long day!! Im so glad the weekend is here!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
you call that moving forward....nah...shes trying the game again to get him back in the door, while he is seeing if yours is open....
you dont need to hang up on him...but how about "H, your personal life really isnt a concern of mine and Im uncomfortable listening to you go on about your love triangle with you OW and her men" youve made the statement that you are not part of it w/o saying anything to that effect.
Last edited by a new 2moro; 02/15/0811:47 AM.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
In regards to new2moro's post, I can't say wehther this woman is playing him or not. It really doesn't matter. But the second part is a definite. You don't need to hear this nonsense. new2moro made a suggestions, but what did you want to say when he was telling you. I can't write what I would have said.
What I really wanted to say?? I dont know?? I really dont want to hear it! I would like to have said that "now you know how I felt when you left me and started hot and heavy with her only 2 weeks later! Doesnt feel so good does it? What comes around goes around!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
All I can say is that your h is so inconsiderate- to call you drunk, wake you up when you're exhausted from working on the busiest day of the year, and talk to you about his ex-gf...on Valentine's Day! I would have been livid.
Yep...you gave him too much...friend or not...if you had a friend making stupid mistake after stupid mistake...dragging you down in their drama...would you really listen to them in a drunken blither about how sad they feel when they caused you even more sadness???...no, I don't think so...I would have been nice...I might even have offered him a ride home (via a taxi or if I felt like driving)...no conversation about his sordid affairs...he needs to sober up and deal with his life like an adult...that is what I would have told him when I dropped him off at home!
Your being sucked back into the vacuum...OW has emailed you about the break-up (like she needed to do that)...he has whined at you about...licking his wounds at TKD...then getting drunk and calling you for attention...suck suck suck...that is all this is...and you will feel sucked dry in no time if you don't hold boundries with THEM...
I think you might want to follow your gut next time and say what you think. That is sooo messed up. I think I'm pretty easy, but I've gotta say he would have needed to hang up on me. There would have been an explosion of biblical perportions in CA.
