My reasons are very innocent to be sure, but I am going to need to be careful about what goes on in order not to inflame my W. In any event, when I told D that her old babysitter wanted to come and see her, she shrieked w/ excitement.
In fact, it was the 1st thing she told her mother on the phone last night "she's coming over to play w/ me! I miss her so much and I can't wait to see her!" That is exactly what they did -- play until she left.
I didn't consider for a second to tell D to "keep this a secret from mommy" b/c that is dishonest and confusing. In fact, several times last night, D talked about "secrets" about "that can be our little secret" and how "we won't tell mommy about this." These really, really worry me b/c I'm wondering how much W is asking my D to conceal from me. Not good for her.
I told D, "we don't need to keep any secrets from anyone. You can tell Mommy anything you want about what we do when we're together. I won't ask you to keep from telling her about anything. I will never get you in trouble for what you say and I will never ask you to hide things from anyone. I want you to always be able to talk with me."
I am going to need to continue to reaffirm that my D can trust me completely and that she'll never need to be dishonest with me.
I fought every urge I had to immediately contact W last night and ask her to tell "Mr. Fancy Pants" hello for me, but that would be very counter-productive at this stage. Thus, good for me for doing the opposite of what I'd normally do. This action was a true 180 for me.
Besides, this poor use of judgement may work in my favor as we are discussing custody of D. I have to fight for D even if it infuriates my W in the process.
