Worried I found DB too late

[newnamenewlife]

I tried to search for Jen Jam's list but had no luck at all. I'd love to find this post.

We had a really fun family dinner last night. H & I drank wine and we all got very silly and were throwing pasta at each other. I think part of it was relief at V day being over and no more wondering about if/what we'd get each other.

Anyway, when we have fun like that I literally start to forget that--oh yeah, H doesn't love me anymore. It makes NO sense that we would actually separate.
I had dreams about our early romantic, sexy days together and woke up feeling like everything is going to be fine with us--but I know that H doesn't see things as I do. For me, being silly and laughing at each other's jokes is such a clear "good" sign, one of many that H discounts.

The thing is, my weeks with H are full of what could be called baby steps--but they don't add up to anything--it's the tiny step forward and then the huge step back over and over and over. Ultimately, we end up in the same stuck place.