That's sad. I would say (without in anyway being qualified to make such a judgement) that you might be a sex addict. It is quite possible. What exudes from your every post is your absolute obsession with it and total inability to see that anything else in life could possibly match good sex. I think most people, even HD people, can get a buzz out of other things.
Does this sound like you:
"Sex can become addictive in a similar way to alcohol and illegal drugs. During sex, our bodies release a powerful cocktail of chemicals that make us feel good. Some people get addicted to these chemicals and become obsessed with getting their next fix - their next sexual high. As with other addictions, the body also gets used to these chemicals, so the sufferer needs increasing amounts of sex to achieve the same buzz. "
People commonly discover in treatment that the behaviour has been used to anaesthetize some or all of the following—
Chronic low self worth Depression Anxiety / Stress at home or work Anger Core loneliness Boredom Problems and bad feelings in the marriage or partnership Shame and guilt
Any of that sound like you?
I think because of your devout religious beliefs you are saved from some of the worse aspects such as high-risk sex, use of prostitutes etc (unless there's stuff you're not telling us). But I also think you exhibit some of the signs of a "dry drunk". This is a term for alcoholics who are not drinking but who still resent not being able to drink and obsess about it.
Here are some of the traits of a dry drunk (or any recovering addict who is no longer using but has not come to terms with it)
Exaggerated self-importance and pomposity Grandiose behavior A rigid, judgmental outlook Impatience Childish behavior Irresponsible behavior Irrational rationalization Projection Overreaction
I think if you do have any of the above characteristics it would be extremely difficult to see them in yourself.
I'm not painting you as having these characteristics Cemar - I really don't know you well enough to do so. I just put the information here for you to look at if it has any relevance.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
