Finding my way out of the dark

[tpaschal]

Mishka,

You know, it would be interesting to do a survey of how often the WAS/MLC'er initiates contact with the kids. I know it's different with every person and every situation. My H has called to speak directly to the kids only about 4 times since he left. He came to the house to see them or take them to baseball or swim practice fairly regularly in the beginning (when the kids or I intitiated contact), but as the OW took more and more control, he saw the kids less and less. I often wonder how he can stand to let a 21 year old bimbo be in complete control of his life?

He moved out in February, started talking in late April about wanting to have the kids on the weekends, (I'm sure on the advice of his lawyer) but NEVER took the kids to his apt. until August, and that was for a 20 minute stop-off. Did not take them for an overnight visit until September, and that was when I absolutely FORCED the issue. He keeps saying he wants the kids, wants to spend more time with them, wants to have them over, but he almost never takes them. He's too tired, or he has plans, or....you get the picture. I know it's because the bimbo would have to move out for the weekend, and she doesn't want to.

I know this lack of contact seems to be pretty common among MLC'ers. I wonder, is it more common when there is an OW/OM? I would think so. The MLC'er makes the OW the focus of their existence, the OW doesn't want the kids around anyway, so it's just easier to ignore them. I think there's a lot of shame and guilt, especially if the kids know about the OW, which my kids do.

He was an awesome dad, and now he barely sees them. Other than the OW, that's been the hardest thing for me to wrap my mind around. Of course, he lies about it. I know he's told old friends that he sees the kids almost everyday, taking them to school, helping them with homework, plus having them at his apartment every other weekend. I almost dropped dead when I heard that! Does he really believe that? I think maybe he really does. I think his perception of reality is so skewed that he can't see the real truth.

It's very sad.