Finding Supermom - #4

[JennyF]

I had a pretty good day today. The whole V-day thing didn't really get to me at all. Maybe that's because I knew that H was 'working' last year on V-day (AKA with CFB)...so really this isn't my first alone...or his first with her. *sigh*

ANYWAY! Around 3PM my best friend calls me and asks what I'm doing tonight. We have kids the exact same age...she says to me, her H (a firefighter who is on nights tonights) gave her money to come over here and buy us both dinner! "Isn't he sweet", I said!
So she came over with the kids and we ordered pizza and had a glass of wine each (she's breastfeeding too so not too much wine for either of us!). The kids had fun, we had fun. It was really great.

Another friend called me tonight saying that she was going to have to see my H for the first time tonight since the bomb drop (5 months). She wasn't looking forward to it. Her H was having my H over to watch the Leafs game before they had to leave for their own hockey game.
I have to say that it is bothering me how some people have just accepted it and are moving with things. I guess I shouldn't expect much different.
It hurts. I don't expect them to all jump up and defend my honour (sort of), but I didn't think they would make it this easy on him either. I mean, if everyone around him, his mother, his best friend, his other friends all accept him and move on with life as normal...is there anything to help H self reflect? If no one else thinks that what he is doing is wrong, then is it? I know people have lost respect for him and for the most part DO think what he's doing is wrong, but they really aren't doing anything to show him that.
Out of my control I guess.

I pretty much got the financial papers filled out. I have to send them to my L early next week. As I filled them out it brought back a lot of memories as a lot of it was going back to the date of marriage etc.
I kept wondering what his thoughts were as he filled out his sheets. Is it possible that he could be filling them out and not refelcting on these things? Or did he reflect on them and still think, thank God I'm getting out of this!
I had this weird feeling all day that H was thinking about me and second guessing himself. I have NOTHING to base this on, in fact all signs point to the opposite. So what is this feeling about? I don't know.
I like to think it's God's way of talking to me...but it could just be denial and false hope.

H popped by a few minutes after D, S and I got home to drop off D's overnight bag from last night. It was unexpected...but I have to say that I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was wearing my pre-baby jeans (I mean pre FIRST baby!!). My really skinny jeans (thank you depression diet!) and a cute hot pink tee shirt. I think I looked casually cute (dare I say sexy).
I wonder if H noticed. Don't guys ALWAYS notice things like this? I hope so.
SEEDS OF DOUBT! I'M ALL ABOUT PLANTING SEEDS OF DOUBT!
J~