I can understand what you are saying about the niceness making it harder. But truly you have to completely let go of expectations. Thank him for any kindness and tell him how much you respect and appreciate him for that (men eat that stuff up! Shhhhh!). This will also encourage him to continue doing nice things.

Then make sure you are reciprocating with similar kindness. Kind acts without expectations. Never expect his words or actions to mean more than just nice things he'd do for anyone.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.