Nothing really to tell. Things are pretty much the same in H's world. He's still at home. I know he's planning to leave. I don't know when. We've talked (once, and at my request) regarding his plans to move and how to best tell and help our D's with it. Otherwise, nothing's changed really. He's a little more detached from me, less likely to eat dinner with us and more likely to cook (for himself). I don't know what he's doing, but I don't ask and do not snoop.
I'm in a pretty good place mentally (most of the time). I don't worry about what he's going to do and I'm doing and making plans for myself and our D's. I'm one of the very lucky ones in that he isn't nasty and he's involved with the girls.
The only thing I can say for anyone who reads this and thinks my sitch is very similar to thiers is that my H is conflict avoidant. B/c of this the DB coach I have spoken to has offered that he may be less likely to return once he leaves. Doesn't really matter what anyone (including me) thinks "may" happen. I believe it was Jack and IMP who were posting about how out of 1 in 10,000 M (this is HYPOTHETICAL don't anyone panic and take this out of context, please) all but 1 would reconcile. Sounds great right? Now, I'm the 1. Bummer. Ok, now reverse this and only 1 out of 10,000 would reconcile and again I'm the one. You can see why I've stopped looking at stats and trying to figure out where he is. I won't know the answer until I do wither way. I've got enough time under my belt to believe that whatever happens is what's meant to happen. I have the choice of whether I learn from this and am happy either b/c or in spite of.
Wow, that was a little to philosophical for this early esp without a drink.
On one hand, I would say since my H is an attorney, and a trial attorney at that, that he is not a conflict avoider.
He also has fun with creating conflict is his happy friendly pre-mlc self (fun little verbal jabs at friends and family, trying to get a rise out of friends and family be being irritating, etc.). He does still do this "fun" conflict stuff with the kids and his friends, but not with me.
HOWEVER when it comes to serious non-work or emotional issues, he does seem to be a conflict avoider.
Since that last category is where the mlc situation lies, it does support my feeling that if my H leaves the house, it will be very difficult for him to come back even if he figures out that is what he wants to do.
I hope your week is going well! Happy hump day (he he he!).
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
He's a little more detached from me, less likely to eat dinner with us and more likely to cook (for himself). I don't know what he's doing, but I don't ask and do not snoop.
Right there with ya. She asked me to stop making breakfast for her. I didn't. Sometimes when she's mad at me she scrapes it off in the trash and makes something different. Whatever. I'm going to be a decent man until the end. (I DID stop warming up her car for her in the morning, that seemed to really pi$$ her off for some reason.)
I don't snoop either, although she's left her journal and other things conspicuously available. I just don't need more venom.
I'm in a pretty good place mentally (most of the time).
Me too finally. So nice to be able to sleep again.
The only thing I can say for anyone who reads this and thinks my sitch is very similar to thiers is that my H is conflict avoidant. B/c of this the DB coach I have spoken to has offered that he may be less likely to return once he leaves. Doesn't really matter what anyone (including me) thinks "may" happen.
Same here. With my W, there is also a high "pride" factor, and she can't admit she is wrong on anything without a lot of turmoil. This alone will make it hard for her to come back, regardless of how well I DB. Time will tell.
I won't know the answer until I do wither way. I've got enough time under my belt to believe that whatever happens is what's meant to happen. I have the choice of whether I learn from this and am happy either b/c or in spite of.
Letting go is it's own kind of peace. But it's still peace, and I'll take that.
Wow, that was a little to philosophical for this early esp without a drink.
I've had one. Well, maybe 2. Anyway, I'm not p.o'd, and I'm not liquified. NICE.
Fear is the mind killer.
These are my friends now!
But someday baby... You ain't worry my life anymore
Take away, take away what I don't need, save the good part please. Fade away, fade away.
I think the snooping is really a tough one for alot of folks here. There's that "need" to have ammunition or something. I've just never seen how it would help me in any way. Since i live in a "no fault" state I don't even think it would help in court. I don't know, I haven't spoken to a lawyer yet. That's another one of those things that will happen when it does.
I think the "pride" factor is what scares alot of folks (esp newcomers). We think that our S's are too "proud" once they leave to come back. I've come to a place where I don't see it as pride so much (at least with my H) as their own fear. Fear of rejection and inadequacy. It's sad that any of those things would bar them from coming back. Mostly b/c I think of the regret and torment they'd live with.
Still the peace I have found is worth holding onto with both hands. I don't respond the same when he comes home angry now and it has made such a difference within me. It's one of those things where it doesn't matter if he sees it or not. I feel better b/c of it.
I've always loved the "fear is a mind killer" line. It really spoke to me the first time I read the book. It's funny how some things come back to you years later.
