You're so right that if someone treats an animal badly, I wouldn't tolerate it, BUT when bf treated me badly I looked at it AS IF A SCARED ANIMAL WERE TREATING ME BADLY.
Scared animals don't treat people badly... they are acting/reacting on their own fears.
I just don't see your bf as I do Bigfoot. I see him as one of the many strays that you have taken into your care over your lifetime. They may be damaged, sure... and you can understand if a dog stoops and makes a puddle on your floor because he does not yet know the 'boundaries.' However, the dog making a puddle on your floor is still not tolerable, and through kindness and quiet strength, you show them that 1) they are safe and 2) making puddles is not 'good' behavior.
I see your xbf as a surly animal, who may in fact be damaged... but that does not mean his surly behavior is acceptable. He may never behave like an animal without such flaws... but tolerating the behavior is, by default, accepting it on your end, and actually ends up enforcing the surly behavior. IMHO.
Kindness, without the quiet strength to say 'enough' spoils the animal. kwis?
