Very interesting story CL. Especially since I know a few smokers with lung cancer right now and my own FIl who just recently passed from complications to the disease.( he was 85 though)
Your W needs to take a look at the whole body health, and smoking would be part of that.
How was dance night? Did you go?
Puerto Rico sounds great.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Puerto Rico might be more economical than Hawaii anyway. I have never been to Hawaii, but heard it was expensive. You might just find a really good deal to someplace you never really thought of going. Many years ago H and I just went to a travel agency to check on possible trips and picked Curacao out of the blue because it was a good price. We had a delightful time, and before the trip to the travel agency had never even heard of it! When I first started reading your post I thought you were going to say your wife was going by herself because of your job. I am so thankful that you did NOT say that!
Thanks for sharing a bit of your writing, CL. What an interesting (and safe) way to explore your feelings about your wife's smoking.
Have you finished Madame Bovary? I can't remember how it ends.
Jak and Matilda, Hopefully she can wait until April, which is when I told her I could be available. I think Hawaii should wait until we can afford it and have the time. I think Puerto Rico is a great idea. We'll see how this evolves.
I haven't been hooked by a story that I want to stay with yet. I think I need to keep skill-building anyway. They say that certain stories hook you and won't let go.
Madame Bovary continues to distance herself from the kindly doctor. He does need to get more life into him, and broaden his interests. He's plain as vanilla. If only she could tell him.
What she's doing instead is developing a crush on a local clerk who is articulate and effervescent. She wants to connect with someone more emotional than her H. She has chosen her path, and is now acting like a schoolgirl with Leon, the object of her affections.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
CL, You continue to show great patience. Keep it up!
I think a trip to PR in the Spring would be great. It might be a way to connect. Vacations tend to bring out the romantic, fun, care-free side in people. Try to make that into a reality.
Married 9 years Kids 5 and 6 Bomb 2006 H back and forth for a year M now back on track
PS, Matilda, and Jak, My W is certainly calmer since she left her position almost a month ago. There hasn't been a meltdown in over a week.
She is back in the dance scene, so has been joining me most Friday nights. I had not been asking her to practice for the past several months, but am considering wanting to get back on-track with that again, at least weekly.
My dance classes have changed days, so I can now begin attending my writer's group again. I've been writing for a year now, so feel more ready for such a group. I want to be part of a community of writers.
I'm practicing with mindfulness exercises regarding slowing down when I'm eating, focusing on the breath when I'm lying down, and being present during routine activities. It reveals how much my mind spins during the day, and the need to continue to practice staying with difficult emotions and not getting caught-up in the fiction they can produce.
I'm trying to give my W the space to work-out her issues and problems--smoking, employment, financial. She doesn't hear a peep out of me regarding these issues unless she asks.
I tell her to choose her next job carefully, and to take her time. She offers to take on another part-time job to supplement her current one. She is interviewing for a PT job currently.
She isn't as conservative with money as I'd like her to be during this transition period. I choose not to complain about it to her. I decide that it's more important to hold onto the positives in our lives, rather than fret over money. I know she's mindful of the financial situation, and is adjusting somewhat.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Jak and Matilda, My W will be joining a group from the dance community to participate in a dance convention in Chicago this weekend. I went two years ago, and find it too overwhelming for my style.
She has accepted a part-time position working in the business community. She will make probably 4X as much as she was making at her last job. My guess is her days in social services are gone. In order to have the lifestyle that she wants, she has to work in a different field.
I think the mix of her cooking job and a PT job will be a good fit for her. She has a hard time setting boundaries with fulltime jobs and often ends up working six days a week.
This job is a different direction for her. She has a background in accounting and social services. Her personality doesn't fit accounting. Her material interests don't fit social services. I think it's a step in the right direction.
I'm going to go to a travel agent this weekend and get some material on Puerto Rico. She told me that she's been angry with me because we didn't take a vacation while she was off. I told her I would be available to take a week off beginning in April.
I bought her a bouquet of flowers for Valentine's Day. There was no card.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
